"you seem like a nice person"

this is my third time in line. i swear this woman must hate me. i hand her my application and she puts all of my information into the computer so i can sign up for classes. she takes my application and starts imputing my information as if i is no big deal. but to me, right at this moment, that information is all i have.

just a name and a social.

so she puts all my information in and motions for me to go over to the computers surrounding her. computers that only moments ago were plastered with "out of order" signs. computers that are hooked up to a server which has been down for days. with no server there is no classes, and with no classes, there is no where for me to go. 

but as fate would have it, the same moment i am in line waiting to sign up for classes, the system turns back on, and i enroll in a class. a class with the perfect time so i can still work in the mornings. a class that will help me to graduate. a class that should have no room for me.

but it did.

and i'm a student again.

so i leave campus with this amazing feeling. this feelings of thanks and someone watching over me. i'm finally getting somewhere.

what relief. what encouragement. what an answered prayer. and i dont think it can get much better.

but it does.

i hear back about a possible job. a call that will come in tomorrow. and it might.

but it might not.

but right now it doesnt matter. right now God is here. he is stretching me and making me new and with the help of Him, some friends, and some fresh air, i am becoming new. i am getting too big for this old skin and i need a new one.

it has been painful: sometimes too painful for words. but now: now is now. and now is good. now is filled with possibilities for tomorrow. i am seeing these days as blank pages instead of days already written for me. the comfort of a new crisp page makes me smile as i write this. he is here and he is providing in a way i never would have thought possible.

i went to the dentist today. a visit i was not thrilled about for many reasons: 1. no one likes getting cavities filled 2. this visit was supposed to cost me $355.

it cost me $50.

i called the dentists office when they gave me the numbers, and i told them i couldnt pay that much. i told them i know my insurance covers all that i needed to get done, and i didnt know what this $355 was coming from. we ended up getting it down to $245 and we got off the phone, but i still couldnt hang. i called back AGAIN, and broke down. i told her i couldnt pay $245, i just got laid off, i needed only what my insurance would cover and nothing more. by the grace of God they agreed and i went in to only pay a deductible. 

but when i got in the dentists chair, he told me that he understood my position and he was going to give me everything i needed for free. everything that would cost me $245 would now be free. why? 

because he said i seemed like a nice person.

because in the end, it wouldnt cost the office as much as they thought it would.

i sat in that chair with my mouth numb as hell and a drill in my face, and it took every ounce of me not to cry. i closed my eyes tight and thanked God. the whole time they worked on my mouth i couldnt stop by thanking Him.

who knew?

God knew. He still knows, and i feel like a fool for forgetting that.