lights.

i love me some christmas.

i think most people love it. the air is crisp. starbucks comes out with all its fancy overpriced seasonal drinks. there are sales on things you wouldnt buy otherwise and the music, is well, heavenly.

and most people love this.

and who wouldnt?

but i happened to marry a man who does not love christmas.

he just thinks it's, blah. he cant get into it, but he tries, and every year he tops the way he tried last year. last year he learned my favorite christmas song and played it whenever i asked him to. cooking dinner, doing laundry, eating breakfast: whenever i asked he would whip out that acoustic and play me my song.

and this year, it was his idea to get 13 boxes of christmas lights to decorate our house. he spent the better part of yesterday on our roof and on ladders making our house look amazing. and when he had done the entire house, even the back of the house that no one sees, he wanted to do lights on the inside windows.

my husband? the cutest grinch i know?

and you know what he keeps telling me? "feel bad that i am out-christmasing you?"

the nerve of that punk.

here are photos of my husband showing me the best way he can that he loves what i love. that he wants so badly to share in this with me.

he's so good.

paint.

working for the school district has some amazing advantages.

it works perfectly with my school schedule, pays great, it is the best job i have ever known...and

i get holidays off!

like all major holidays. for thanksgiving i have this entire week off (insert angels singing and streams of golden light here). it is magical. i am connecting with things i havent connected with in ages.

like sleep.

and good movies on netflix watch instantly.

and reading my bible.

and harry potter.

holy cow, it's been a good few days.

but one thing about me is that when i have an ENTIRE week of for thanksgiving, i get bored; restless. so i assign myself projects, like, oh i dont know, painting the entire living room by myself.

before you start to judge me, i love to paint. it soothes me. i have NO artistic talent, but when i have that paintbrush and start, i get lost in the blur of the old colors turning into the new ones. the smell of the paint and vanilla extract i was told hides the smell but is a crock. when i asked nay if i couldnt paint the living room, he gave me that look like "really?" and i gave him the look like, "what do you mean really?!"

he finally relented but under one condition: he wasnt going to help. if i wanted to paint the living room it was ALL me.

and guess what?

i agreed.

so here it is friends. all my work and all my glory.

enjoy.

before

after

hurry.

"the world went and got itself it a big damn hurry."

brooks, your right.

it isnt even thanksgiving and we are already putting christmas trees up in town squares and christmas sales. i thought it was proper christmas etiquette to give thanksgiving it's day, and then right after you can put up your christmas decorations. thanksgiving is being snuffed out of it's own day! month even!

and christmas will be there. it's always there. it is the mama jama of all the holidays and requires the most money, time, and efforts. of course it is the holiday in which we celebrate the birth of our dear Savior, but isnt that an event we celebrate all year long? in births of children, the recovery of a sick friend, a job when we have been without one, having a home and food to eat, amazing spouses, doors slamming shut, doors swinging open. in all things, are we being thankful for the One who saves us?

i fall short constantly. almost in some sort of sick schedule, and as the amazing dustin kensrue says "feels like the devil rents a room in my brain".

but God is merciful.

He sees and He forgives.

He is the same God to us as He was to Job and Peter. He is unchanging, and does not hurry Himself. He is patient and waits for us to come back to Him when we wonder away.

because we will wonder.

the worlds lights are shiny and words sway us like helpless birds in the sea.

but in those lights and in that sea, there He is.

waiting.

waiting.

patient. with no hurry and no schedule. no unrealistic expectations or hard feelings. He takes His time in all things.

it's beautiful to see, especially when it involves two certain friends of mine, who will remain nameless, (cough, cough, katie, cough, cough, truman) who have decided to spend the rest of their lives together. God saw it fit to bring these two together and I am lucky enough to be able to watch a portion of it.

His timing is a blessing.

friends.

my car squeaks.

ALL the time. when i am in the parking structure at school it squeaks so loud fellow students cover their ears and give me that look like "do you have any idea how freaking loud your car is?!?"

oh, i know.

it is so loud it wakes up nathan as i leave for work. it's pathetic.

i finally had some time to take it in and have it looked at. the conclusion: a new belt costing $120. for one silly belt. i called up our good friend who is a mechanic and asked him if that was a reasonable price for the type of belt we needed to which he proceeded to tell me it was not. he offered to come by and look at.

today, i am thankful for good friends who are generous with their time and their talents. i am thankful for people who are smarter than me who can save me $100. i am thankful that i have a community of friends who can fulfill all those random but SUPER necessary needs that make like easier. for example:

Katie- amazing hair stylist. a gem. a true artist.
Truman- provides us with the best coffee i have EVER tasted. for free. and he delivers it.
Ricky- the mechanic of champs. knowledgable. helpful. and super kind.
Christine- an amazing photographer. truly knows how to make things beautiful.
Desiree- my massager and giver of free starbucks. what a peach.
Justin- taker awayer of the fleas brought in by our neighbors. has sprayed our house at least 6 times and does it in exchange for a warm homemade dinner.
(i'm sure i missed someone, so if i did write me an angry letter and i will add you to this prestigious list.)

we are beyond blessed to have the friends we have who help us the way they do.

submission.

around 2 or 3 months ago, nathan and i just could't get along. nathan was starting up a new band and the only time all of the members could get together was on friday nights from 8 p.m-4 a.m. at first, i was all for it: nathan was so excited about this band and he said it would only be about a month. i could handle it for a month.

after about two weeks, i realized that i was starting to feel bitter and asked him if he could come home around 2 instead of 4. he agreed and for another 2 weeks that was fine. then little by little it was just becoming too much. i hated being home all by myself, and i always felt uncomfortable while he was away. we used to go out on fridays and we couldnt do that anymore since he had to leave at 7:30. he tried so much to make me more comfortable with the arrangements: he set up date nights and got an alarm system so i would feel more comfortable at home.

but it still wasnt enough.

after about a month and a half i asked nathan to start coming home at midnight. and he was so frustrated with me. it caused such tension in our marriage. he knew how much i hated it. he knew how uncomfortable it make me and what it was doing to our marriage and yet he still continued to go. and i knew how much this meant to him but i still couldn't get over it. after almost 4 months he just decided to stop going, but it was a hard choice for him to make and i still didn't get what i wanted.

i wanted him to choose me.

it was miserable.

even writing about it, i start to feel the sadness and frustration i felt while this was going on. it was one of the most painful times in our marriage, and it was made even worse by our reaction to it.

we haven't thought of that in months, but last night at the marriage seminar last night, it came up again, but this time we had much deeper feelings about it.

we went over what the bible says about marriage, more specifically in Ephesians:

Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. ²³ For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. ²⁴ Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything ²⁵ Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her ²⁶ to make her holy, cleansing^{a]" style="line-height: 0.5em; ">[a]} her by the washing with water through the word, ²⁷ and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. ²⁸ In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. ²⁹ After all, no one ever hated their own body, but they feed and care for their body, just as Christ does the church— ³⁰ for we are members of his body. ³¹“For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.”^{b]" style="line-height: 0.5em; ">[b]} ³² This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church. ³³ However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.

^{I have heard and read that scripture at least fifty times, but God is gracious and often allows us to hear His word differently each time.}

^{and this time was no different.}

^{immediately as my pastor was reading that scripture my mind reeled back to that time 3 months ago when nathan and i couldn't get past our issues of bitterness and frustration. our pastor talked about how when the husband isnt laying down his life for his spouse yet his wife continues to nag or appeal to her husband until he finally agrees, we take away from God. Imagine the lesson that God was trying to teach the husband AND the wife, but the wife was sick of the situation and no longer could take it.}

^{that was us. knowing that my control for the situation was so great, i got in the way of the lessons that God was trying to show us as husband and wife. imagine the grace and growth both of us would have felt if i would have just kept my big mouth shut? or the amount of love i would have felt from nathan if he made the choice himself to quit.}

^{all i can do is imagine.}

^{and feel a deep sense of sadness. it is an awful feeling to know that i got in the way of something amazing. my need for control took away intimacy, trust, and respect from my marriage. needless to say, last night was a rough one.}

but thank God that i have a husband who kind and gracious. as soon as we got into the car we both broke down with endless apologies of how we both handled that situation. he apologized for being stubborn and all the hurt i had because of him. he apologized for not laying down his life for me and putting his ambitions before my comfort. and with teary eyes i apologized for not submitting to him and continuing to push the issue. that i had turned into a nag and was someone that he no longer wanted to be around. i apologized for getting in the way of the holy spirit and the lessons He had for our marriage.

we went to bed with full hearts and a new found love for that scripture. we committed to making our roles more defined and also being encouraging of each other when we do great, and be gracious when we don't.

this fits in perfectly with being thankful. the two of us are beyond thankful for the love of our God. the grace and forgiveness He gives us and allows us to give each other. thankful that he revealed Himself to us in order to make our marriage better.

to make our relationship with Him better. submitting is worship. laying down your life is worship. it glorifies our God. that is so encouraging because when submitting gets hard and laying down your life gets hard, it is worth it. for no other reason than because our God is worth it. our spouse is worth it.

hallelujah.

thanks

this whole finding something to be thankful for each day has been so good for me. honestly, sometimes i make myself sick thinking of the negatives each day.

it is nice to think of all the good things, and there are so many. throughout the day, something will happen and i'll think to myself "i should put this as part of my thankful blog".

it's really funny because right before i started writing, i checked online to check the class schedule to make sure the classes i need to register for are still open.

and they're not.

3 are open, as of now, but that might not be the case on monday when i need to register. and i really have no idea what i'm supposed to do.

but i'm thankful. thankful that i am able to go to school and pay for it without taking out loans or going into debt. it is a blessing that we so often take for granted. even with a mortgage, car payment, and our two iPhone phone bill we don't have to take out loans.

we are beyond blessed and have to make sure that we are giving back to God what was His in the first place. i am thankful that i have a husband who makes sure that we tithe and give back what isnt really ours anyway. i'm thankful that he is so dedicated to being good.

also, i am thankful for Fiona Apples version of "across the universe". if you haven't already heard it, you need to.

green.

today i am thankful for green.

green like the flecks in nathans eyes. green like dukes dog collar that jingles when he runs to greet me. green like the new grass growing in our front yard.

green like my favorite shirt.

green like the textbook i used to get a 100% on my midterm.

green like the money in my account that God has so blessed me with to live the life i do.

green like all those yummy veggies i intend to grow in my glorious garden.

green like the cover of Harry potter and the goblet of fire.

green like the sheets i am lounging in comfortably at this moment.

green is good. and so am i.

day 2

this is day 2 of being thankful.

today i am thankful for dominick.

he is my most favorite student in the class i work in. yet, he is also the most difficult.

he hits. he spits. he throws his papers. he kicks other students. h fights us on everything.

that is until i cracked his code. i finally found out what he needed, and now, he is like a whole new child.

i started to ask questions about the kind of life dominick has at home. he is the youngest of 6 kids and has no one to talk to. i found out that his code was affection. he needed to be treated with love and kindness. he needed to be shown that he is special.

and now that i have shown him that he is special, that he is good....

he laughs and smiles and listens when we talk to him. he kisses me on the cheeks and says "i love you Mrs. Casey". he gives hugs and high fives and is actually helping the other students. he is the greatest.

i am growing to love him and care for him more and more each day. he makes me want to learn more and more so that i can make his life better with my education.

i am thankful that i have the job i do with the kids i do. i am thankful for every day.

true story.

thank-full

a lovely lady whose blog i read often (by often i mean ALL THE TIME) started up a countdown to thanksgiving by saying what she is thankful for. i know i'm late, but i think i'm going to jump into this race. i hope to keep up with it!

i know it sounds silly, but i'm thankful for these.


we had lots of candy left over from halloween. nathan and i, not wanting to waste anything the Lord gives us, decided to start on this pile of deliciousness, and unfortunately, we have the same favorite candy "kit kat". we have been going through these bad boys like theres no tomorrow, and last night he saved the last one for me.

wanna know why? he said "cause you deserve it."

i'm thankful that he sees how hard i work at school, home, and work.

isnt that huge? isnt that what we all want in life? not the only thing in life, but isnt it something we all need in some aspect?

i'm thankful that he is mellow and i am not.

i am thankful that he is calm and cool and i am passionate and a firecracker.

i'm thankful that at 20, i married the man that the Lord made just for me.