oh, the goodness

i love this time of year: so much is going on. thanksgiving, christmas, new years, and last but not least, our anniversary.

2 years.

what an amazing journey we have ahead of us. what an amazing journey we have already taken. we have learned so much from each other, and we cant wait to see what else lies in store for us.

we went to san fransisco for our anniversary. here are some pictures of the goodness that was san fran. 

(us at pier 39)

(i love this picture. this is us with the seals. i think i'm a seal at heart...)

(mama's kitchen: worth the wait)

(the stinking rose...)

(another picture i love)

(a $4.50 bagel and $4.00 muffin. disgusting.)

(nay showing off his christmas gifts)

(duke opening his stocking)

(duke ignoring his stocking and wanting to eat nay's gifts)

sorry it has been a while. we have been so busy and just got back from our fancy dinner: mortons. 

hope you all had a great christmas, cant wait to hear all of the stories.

13 more hours to go

it's christmas eve, and i am at work.

the phones are not ringing. people do not want to be here, and to be quite honest, it makes sense. no one wants to be in an office while their families are at home watching awesome marathons: CSI, law and order, brady bunch, christmas movies, and the list goes on. i hate the feeling of knowing that your counterpart (i.e. spouse/family) is without you. knowing that nathan is at home, with the pup, in our warm cozy house is just to much to bare as i sit here at my computer.

however, i am more than grateful that i have a job, and a job that i am becoming good at. a job with good people and a job i shouldn't have gotten. i am so blessed that the puzzle pieces were put together, and that everything fell into place, so that i may have this job.

especially now.

everywhere you turn, people are closing their doors, going out of business, unable to make payments, and it is devastating. heartbreaking. this is the time of giving and loving, and i hope we all do a little more loving than getting this year. a little more faith and a little less selfishness. more hope and less heartbreak. i hope we can all keep in our minds the faces and the people that we are thankful for, and cant imagine our lives without them.

when i think of people, at least 5 faces come to mind- i hope that is what happens with you as well. i hope you find more. i hope your faces are in the double digits. i hope that you rack your brain all day thinking about who you cant imagine your life without, it is such a great feeling.

on another note-

with it being christmas eve and all, i just wanted to say thank you. thank you for reading my blog. thank you for thinking that these muddled words make sense to you and you get something out of reading this. thank you for caring about my life enough to not only read it, but comment on it. i am humbled by your interest in our lives, and i wanted to let you know how great you all are.

lastly, there are so many people and things we are thankful for, we cant name them all, but if we know you, hang out with you, get our hair done by you, are related to you, love you, get tattooed by you, go to church with you...we are thankful for you. more than you know.

merry christmas everyone. we hope that yours is as bright and wonderful as it should be.

Last nights conversation

me: what is something you like about me?

nathan: (half asleep) your nice.

me: your favorite thing about me is that i'm nice?

nathan: (more than halfway asleep) yes.

me: hmm...really? nice?

nathan: (almost asleep) is that not enough?

me: well i'm just wondering...

nathan: (rolls over and looks at me) your perfect. there is no one else in the world i would rather be with, spend the rest of my life with, learn how to be married with. your perfect for me.

me: (beaming) that was wonderful.

nathan: (fully asleep) ...

me: (cant sleep and still smiling) he thinking i'm perfect...

the art of being a bottomless pit

today was wonderful. nathan and i woke up early (for different reasons) and parted before 8 a.m. he left to have breakfast with a former student of ours and record some friends doing a christmas album, and i woke to clean the house and make breakfast for Jean.

her name isnt really jean you know. her name is justine and i think that she is great. such spirit and kindness; more people should be like her.

so anyway, nathan was off and i was home getting ready for justines arrival, and duke was just sitting there. taking everything in- the morning sun, the christmas tree, the warm blankets, his mama hard at work, just everything. 

so justine gets here and i make us some chocolate chip pancakes, bacon, hasbrowns, and orange juice. it was a pretty interesting yet delightful breakfast, that lead to even better conversation. after she left i finished cleaning up the place and laid down on the sofa to nap with the duke. 

what a wonderful morning.

so i slept for a while, took a shower, ran an errand with nathan, and made some dinner. later we decided to go see "milk" and it was great. the movie just makes you want to believe in something bigger than yourself. it makes you want to throw yourself out there and find what is true. what is real. what is worth fighting for. even if you dont agree with it, you have to admit, the 'fight' that was in that man, was and is, remarkable. 

so all in all, it was a good day. 

on a side note, duke decided to use our new camera as a chew toy (yes bloggers, the same camera we bought about a month ago) and so we needed to get another one. he has also decided to start eating ornaments off of the tree, and chewing up anything in sight. we have had to start caging him again we leave, which we hate, but he gives us no choice. 

even though he is cute, he is still sometimes monster.

   (this was nathans face when he found out duke chewed the camera)

Harvard Doofus and Jesus

so i'm driving to work this morning, and a few things happened.

the first was that my car windows were so foggy i couldnt see anything, and i almost hit an old man. he turns to me and shakes his cane at me. SHAKES HIS CANE! like in the movies when the car chase goes past an old man and he shakes his cane at the speeding car. i was that speeding car. what a good start right?

the second thing is that this man a couple lanes away, was driving like an idiot. like one of those idiots that you want to call the cops on for being so impatient and selfish: swerving in and out of the lanes, cutting people off, speeding around, just all that crap. he gets in the lane next to me, and thinks he wants to get in front of me, but he cant decide- so he just rides in both lanes.

thats right bloggers of the world, he is in my lane and in his, no blinker, and just utterly conflicted. so i am sitting there, judging him, and i see his license plate holder thing says "harvard alumni" and that just makes my day. you mean to tell me that one of the greatest schools in the world, with the brightest minds, huge workloads, sleepless nights of studying and cramming, with these challenging and brilliant professors, cant teach this guy how to drive? priceless. anyway, the harvard doofus decides not to get in my lane, so he makes his way down the freeway in his range rover.

and the third thing is this.

now this isnt exactly what i saw, since i didnt take a picture, but it was along the same lines. the sun was so bright it was stinging my eyes, christmas carols singing to me from the radio, and this awesome sight. it was God telling me: calm down casey.

take a breath.

look what i have for you.

i planned this moment for you, and i want you to enjoy it. forget about the harvard doofus. forget about the crazy car chases with old men and oak canes being shaked in your direction. forget who you think you are for one second, and take a breath.

and i did.

it was calm and sweet, and i turned the music down so i could thank my God. the whole way to work i had this amazing view, and it was just this love note written in snow and puffy clouds. i wanted to drive until i hit those mountains. but alas, my exit came and i got off the freeway sitting in morning traffic, with those mountains behind me, but it was perfect.

those are the moments i want to put in boxes so i can show people. when i am telling nathan about my day i can just say "look in here! this is it! look at that view!" and he would get it. and we would show duke and he would just look at us like this:

he probably wouldnt look like this, i actually think he would try to eat it, but this is a great picture anyway.

anyway, look for mountains and snowy hills, it's great therapy. oh, also, look out for old men with canes, they have feelings too.

Love is...

(doesnt this girl look crazy!?)

Love is coming home around 10:30 after a long day of work and church, and making your husband 2 grilled cheese sandwiches.

Love is knowing he has to have mustard with those grilled cheese sandwiches.

Love is being able to understand my husband when he is uber tired and is mumbling uncontrollably.

Love is being able to fall asleep only when my husband is next to me.

Love is searching for ways to make your spouses life better.

Love is serving with each other day in and day out: no matter how tired or frustrated.

Love is telling 'your story' for the 100th time and still getting goosebumps.

Love is laughing with your husband when he leaves the fridge door open- for the 4th time.

Love is the rush of excitement when you havent seen your husband in days.

Love is giggling before bed.

Love is "katella baby".

Love is going to concerts together, not being near each other, and feeling incredibly close.

Love is what i have with my husband.

Love is what i wish for us all.

Not once, not twice, but Thrice

last night we saw thrice at the house of blues.

it was amazing.

they rocked.

they rolled.

they changed my life.

i got to spend it with all of my friends and family and it was perfect.

i laughed.

i screamed.

i danced.

i cried.

it was one of the best nights of my life.

who can resist lines like:

"And bullets lance the bravest lungs Will I fold my hands or hold my tongue Or let the flames lick at my feet Or breathe in fire and know I'm free Flames will rise and devour me Oh, to breathe in fire and know I'm free"

"Come all you weary with your heavy loads Lay down your burdens find rest for your souls Cause my yoke is easy and my burden is kind I’ll take yours upon me and you can take mine"

"Wake, feel your worth, O my soul. Speak the word, the word that can save us all. Awed by grace, I fall on my face. And scream the word that can save us all."

"once again these bitter herbs the perfect compliment to all your cryptic words I nod but don't know what to say, but I know you and I believe you're who you say you are so I? I will follow you, lay down my life I would die for you, this very night"

beautiful.

A few Christmas questions

A dear friend sent this to me, so i thought you all would like to read, and maybe respond. I love these things!

1. Wrapping paper or gift bags?

I am actually one of the few people that get great joy from wrapping gifts, and am pretty good at it. So wrapping paper

2. Real tree or Artificial?
REAL! thinking of artificial trees fills my heart with sad.

3. When do you put up the tree?

As soon as nay will let me, so a little after thanksgiving

4. When do you take the tree down?

When is starts to turn brown...like brown, brown and you cant even look at it without needles falling off

5.Do you like eggnog?

You know, as i child i did, but then again i ate dirt so who knows? but now, i dont. what the crap is even in eggnog??

6. Favorite gift received as a child?
hockey sticks and roller blades...i wasnt very girly.

7. Hardest person to buy for?

My parents. I always want to get them GREAT gifts so i can never find anything just right.

8. Easiest person to buy for?

Nay

9. Do you have a nativity scene?

I dont, but i dont know how i feel about them yet...i'll get back to you.

10. Mail or email Christmas cards?

Who doesnt like getting mail??? Always the mail! hands down- the mail!

11. Worst Christmas gift you ever received?

No such thing. Moving on...

12. Favorite Christmas Movie?

I love, "It's a wonderful life". That movie is just so amazing, but i really love "Home Alone" as well.

13. When do you start shopping for Christmas?

Whenever. If i find something that fits someone really well then i will get it, but i am really bad at waiting. I just want to give it to them right away!

14. Have you ever recycled a Christmas present?

I dont think so, but i do know FOR SURE we got a recycled wedding gift, the card was still left in there from the previous giver.

15. Favorite thing to eat at Christmas?

I like the same amount of food year round- Potatoes!

16. Lights on the tree?

Is there any other way?!?! (dont answer that if you think yes)

17. Favorite Christmas song?

'The Christmas Song'. It has everything a song needs to penetrate the hardened walls of ones heart. Also, O come, O come Emmanuel is amazing as well, the one by Dustin Kensrue especially.

18. Travel at Christmas or stay home?

A little of both. Christmas morning is for us, and then we will go either to my parents of grandmas. Sometimes we get to visit nay's mom but she lives far.

19. Can you name all of Santa's reindeer's?

Dasher and Dancer and Prancer and Vixen...Comet and Cupid and Donner and Blitzen....Rudolph! (only because Beth did) =)
20. Angel on the tree top or a star?

A star. Angels are weird to put at the top of the tree to me.

21. Open the presents Christmas Eve or Christmas morning?

All of them on Christmas morning

22. Most annoying thing about this time of the year?

That once it is all over, we forget how much we loved it in the first place.
23. Favorite ornament theme or color?

i just like ornaments, it doesnt matter at all.

24. Favorite for Christmas dinner?

Rolls, salad, mashed potatoes, stuffing, peas with those onion balls, baby corn, and ham. Yummy!

25. What do you want for Christmas this year?

To make sure i am remembering the meaning of christmas, and not get tied up in all the lights and christmas songs.

26. Who is most likely to respond to this?

People who like christmas???

I am excited to see what all of your answers are!

God bless nat king cole

my neck starts to hurt as i keep looking down to attach little metal hooks to ornaments, and nay is on the computer. my fingers start to tremble from holding the ornaments in my hand so long, and i am concentrating on just getting this last hook in. "want to listen to some music?" my loving husband asks me. normally bells would have gone off, but we just got a new dock for our iPod and i know he wanted to get some good use out of it.

while my mind is busy, nathan walks over and puts some music on, and sits back down to tend to whatever was keeping his attention at the computer. it is silent for a few brief moments as i am getting things settled, and my ears perk. my heart beats faster. my hands tighten. my eyes get wide and i look up and nathan. it's my song, and it's just for me.

my song.

being played just for me.

the melody dances over me and my whole day brightens. my spirits lift and my heart is smiling.

he came through like i always hoped he would.

throughout our marriage we have struggled with a lot of things, but one mostly. the dreaded, most devious of them all: expectations. they creep into your mind without you knowing it, and they take hold. everything now gets up into a category whether it is good or bad: he didnt take out the trash, he forgot my birthday, he bought my flowers, he said this, he didnt say that...the list goes on and on, until i am left standing with a pile of failed attempts and a frustrated heart.

my poor husband is subject to expectations that are not only irrelevant, but ridiculous and absurd. every single word or phrase is analyzed to the tenth degree, and he cant stand up to my scrutiny. i knew enough was enough a couple weeks ago- the night of a particularly bad argument. i was laying in bed, almost asleep when nathan creeped in and laid next to me thinking i was already asleep. he leaned over and said 'i'm sorry i disappointed you again" in a hushed whisper and walked back out into the living room. i cried myself to sleep that night and promised myself i would let go.

let go of the things i think i want from him. to be really honest with myself and see what i need from him as a wife, and what i think that i need. to see that my expectations were ruining my husbands motivation and self worth, and who can blame him? living with a wife that demands excellence, yet doesnt see how less than perfect she is as a wife. what an amazing affect those six words were to me- "i'm-sorry-i-disappointed-you-again".

heartbreaking.

especially now, with christmas around the corner, i have been very much convicted these past couple weeks. thinking about what really matters in my life: nathans self-worth as a husband. my changing to fit his needs and let go of mine. my understanding that my way is not the only way, and most times, it isnt even the right way.

and the truth is, what nathan gives me is better than what i want for myself. his desires for me are pure and kind. what i want for myself is selfish and self serving. he knows whats best, and i hope i always remember that. i hope that i always fear taking my husband for granted. i hope that i always remember he is my best friend, and the reason worth fighting for. he's my world.

we had our friends over tonight to help decorate the tree and have some treats. we had eggnog, apple cider, and hot chocolate with whipped cream and sprinkes and some white chcolate chip macadamia nut cookies. you guessed it, they were fresh from the oven. while the house smelt of cookies and cider, the boys played Wii and janvier and i decorated the tree and took pictures. i love these people. when we are all together, laughing and joking around, we are home. our home is with the people we love and cherish.

we love being home.

Yay for December!

this week was harder than i thought it would be. who knew that glorious 4 day weekend would have taken such a negative toll on me?? i have such a hard time getting up in the morning, i mean, i hit the snooze an ungodly amount of times (sorry nay!). I just cant seem to muster up the energy to wake up and get ready, i mean, our bed is just so warm and our room is just so cold: not a good mix to get up in the morning. Not to mention that my sweet pup likes to get up with me- but then not go back to sleep when i leave, which keeps nay up.

what a hard week! haha i feel so silly saying this, i mean, i have a great husband to wake up next to, a cute dog who wakes me up, a cool place, a comfy bed...come on everyone, feel sorry for me!

on another note, i have asked nathan for one thing for christmas: i want him to learn my favorite christmas song, and play it for me....with words. only problem is, he doesnt know what my favorite song is. isnt that a weird request you may ask, well i have told the poor fellow what my favorite song is, he has just forgotten. So it is a double gift because he needs to figure out what my favorite song is, learn it, and play it for me christmas morning. sounds easy to me!

however, this is my way of throwing a bone out to my husband. if anyone can guess what my favorite christmas song is, and leave a comment, nay might be able to figure it out. so i will give you two songs to choose from. oh what fun!

1. winter wonderland

2. the christmas song

ok everyone, i will need full participation to help my darling husband! have a glorious week!

The Frank...

this is the frank. she was a incredible dog. full of life, and love, and energy. she was the first "house of doom" dog and was the mother to my duke. she was his playmate. his friend- even though he bugged her. she was not only sweet, but the ideal dog for anyone. our best friends were lucky to call her theirs, and we are so sorry for their loss. here's to you frank.