Joy

my darling husband has one flaw: he hates christmas music. he chalks it up to working at a music store around the holidays. to me, it is just sick not to like christmas music. it is so joyful and light, even if you dont believe in Jesus, the words are hopeful and sincere; things that people can always cling to.

who knew my loving, wonderful, talented, sexy husband would hate the thing i love the most? well, not the most, but it's up there. 

but today as nay and i were on our way to ikea for some 'as is' shopping, he put on christmas music- and sang to me. 

i beamed.

i giggled.

it felt like we were dating all over again. 

it felt so wonderful that i almost teared up. i dont think he knows how important that was to me. i felt joy. not just happy, but a deep resounding joy that flooded my body. my lips felt it. my heart felt it. even my toes felt it. 

it made my day. it made this whole weekend amazing. it only took 15 minutes on the freeway to turn my whole weekend into joyful. dont get me wrong, it was a great weekend, but a lot of things are great. we talk about great service at restaurants, great food, great movies, great books. we dont ever thank our waiters for being joyful. we dont read books and think 'how joyful'. joyful is a sacred word. a personal word. it is like 'i love you'. there is reverence behind that word.

so friends, with all that being said, i hope you find joy. but most of all i hope you let it find you. let your husband sing you christmas carols. let your friends come to you in your time of need. make joy want to find you, because that is one of the things that matter. maybe one of the only things.

(this is Dustin Kensrue. his music is amazing, and his christmas album changed my husband. you should check it out: this good night is still everywhere)

Home alone

what a great weekend thus far! thanksgiving was fun and relaxing, and just great to be with family. we all gathered 'round at the old nichols' house, and ate some amazing food such as: green bean casserole (which nathan dropped taking out of the oven! it was so awesome) sweet potatoes, stuffing, mashed potatoes, jello salad, wild rice, sweet rolls, corn casserole, and last but not least, a deep fried turkey. 

we were all so impressed with the turkey, this being our first deep frying experience. it was a little messy, but everyone liked it, and it came out tasting really yummy. we brought duke and he ran outside and was digging in the dirt, sniffing everything, and getting caught up in all the plants. he is such a great little guy! then the best part of the evening was when nay prayed for our meal and we had a great time while we sat around the table and ate all of the yummy food. there is something about a warm house and the smell of good food. everything seems just to fall into place. 

conversations are funnier. hugs are more meaningful. words are kinder. these things just make the world go round. the saddest thing is that these feelings dont last until summer. they fade when we go back to work. when we do the laundry. when we go on with our lives. we forget that we loved the fall seasons so much, that they are worth fighting for.

they are always worth fighting for.

when we go on with the mundane. when we slowly start to stop buying things for each other and more for ourselves. when the displays in the stores go from jackets to bathing suits. when hot chocolate turns into iced teas, i just want to remember.

i have to remember.

for some reason this fall is changing me. it is making me a better person. if feels like the colder it gets and the more leaves that fall, the bigger my heart gets, and the bigger my hopes get. i feel more like a kid this fall, my eyes are wide and longing to see something new.

and i'm seeing it.

and i'm loving it.

it is changing everything. it makes cooking more fun and creative. it makes cleaning the house with my husband a gift, not a chore. it makes our house warmer. our conversations funnier. it makes life perfect. but perfect because it's not, but it is getting close. close to the way God intended. my husband and i are growing into the people we want to be for each other, and i believe, that God is happy, and that is an amazing feeling.

on the way home from thanksgiving, nay and i played the 'i'm thankful game' where were just talked about how thankful we are for the things we have. whether they be silly or important, just things we are thankful for: two cars, two jobs, a pup, great friends, an great place, our church, our family, mac's, bottled water, toilet paper, bacon, bears, alaska...the works.

being thankful is a great boat to be in.

and we are in that boat.

we hope that your thanksgivings were all fantastic, and you can all find many, many reasons to be thankful. if you need one, we can give you one- Home Alone is on tv right now. that is a great reason to be thankful. 

here are some pictures for your viewing pleasure!

 

What's mine is ours

(Nay in Hawaii)

As you well know, we have an epic dog named Duke. He has many a names:

The duke

Duke face

Dukas-Mahgookas

Fuzzy face

The bud

Buddy

He has a lot of names. but my favorite i mine. he is my dog. and by 'my' dog i mean he is our dog, but i have never had and 'our' dog before. i have had the 'family' dog. but never 'our' dog.

i like this 'our' business.

i like having someone to be and 'our' with. i love being married, just living together, cleaning together, learning together, cooking together.

speaking of cooking, tonight for dinner i made chicken fajitas with homemade guacamole. it was very, berry good. i love cooking, i just wish i could stay home all day and learn a ton of new recipes, pull out the awesome dishes we got at our wedding, pull out the place mats, and let the house smell of cooking and yummy.

speaking of yummy, i am so excited for thanksgiving. i have thursday and friday off, which means...4 DAY WEEKEND!!! no plans! no rules! no regrets! haha sounds like a cheesy 80's movie! but really, no plans and just a totally relaxing weekend.

however, we will miss our family in the desert- the smiths and vargas. holidays just arent the same without our fellow doomers and those amazing friendships we have.

i will post more after thanksgiving and try to take lots of pictures!  

The moral of the story

yay for saturdays! yay for days off! yesterday, nathan and i had a blast. we started our weekend off by heading down to watsons, which is this kick ass restaurant in the orange circle. the circle is awesome because it feels like everyone there wants to be there.

is happy to be there.

it is just a place with old time charm and a lot of neat things to look at. cute restaurants, over priced antique shops, soda fountains, cute bars, and an army navy store. plus, it has a really cute fountain in the middle and a bunch of christmas decorations up. this time of season just makes everything more inviting. 

so anyway, we started off eating breakfast at watsons. i had the eggs benedict and nay had the denver omelet and biscuits and gravy. breakfast food is just the best. it is warm and sweet and is such a great way to start off a day, let alone a saturday.

so we ate and then headed home to get ready for the main event- knotts berry farm. kips dad is a veteran and for knotts, november is the month to honor them with discounted prices! what a great gift! so we all headed down there to spend the day riding rides and eating WAY overpriced food. literally, for fries and a drink, it was $8. isnt that insane? however, the best part of the evening was when nathan, kip, blue, truman, matt, and myself decided to ride big foot rapids. 

at night.

when it's cold.

and we were still going on rides.

but it was amazing. we laughed and screamed and got really, really wet. kip mostly, but as life would have it, i was right next to him and got a good amount as well. we went on a few more rides, then called it quits to head home- but not until we went on big foot rapids again. but with everyone (except christine who held all of our stuff! you kick ass!). kips dad kept yelling at me to lean (like that was going to help us avoid the tidal wave coming towards us) and jessica (kips sister) and matt (kips brother) stayed totally dry. it was disgusting.

we got off the ride and headed back to kips house to watch some movies and eat some good food. however, i am a total wuss and was exhausted so nay and i left a little early and went to bed. i hate that i cant stay up late anymore- it makes me feel so old. i'm 22 for crying out loud! at 9:30 i am bowing out and want nothing more than to snuggle up in my ikea sheets with my foxy husband in our phenomenal bed. (we have this truly amazing memory foam bed we got as a wedding gift from my nay's mom) and i believe that Jesus made that mattress with clouds and angel hair just for us, because it is holy.

so all in all, yesterday was so much fun. 

there is something to be said for spending time with friends, doing fun and exciting things. it feels like home when you are with these people. it feels like how the world is supposed to be. it gives me hope in my generation to spend time with the people who i know will change it. there is no way that nathan, and truman, and kip, and blue will leave this world and not change it for the better. it's just not possible. they are good, and wholesome men who will leave this world better than they way they found it. 

i love my friends. i guess that is the moral of the story. here are some pictures of our wonderful day together. enjoy!

Facts of life, the facts of life...

nathan and i are totally forgetful. it is just a fact of life. and too bad we both are, because if he puts something down and forgets where he puts it, i could be the one to say "dear, you left it in the kitchen!" but no such luck. i am just as forgetful, if not more.

nathan always tells me it is a good thing he never got into smoking pot because then be would be totally screwed. he's right, he would be. but it could be worse, we could be crazy into dolls or paint each others nails, but we just are forgetful. we forget our shoes, what time it is, what we were about say, who we were about to call, the rest of our stories- its actually quite annoying.

so, with that said, we lost our camera, and believe you me, we looked everywhere. in our coat jackets, in our luggage, in our cars, under our bed, in the closet- it's nowhere to be seen. it was a killer camera we got for our wedding...what a bummer.

its funny because our good friends joey and janvier lost their camera as well, so we think that our cameras ran off together and are taking dirty pictures of each other. ok, that is my hypothesis but whatever. so we bought a new camera a couple days ago, and it pretty awesome. 

this is our new camera, and it is too legit to quit.

on another note, i feel like lately i have been writing about a lot of deep and pretty heavy stuff, which i think is awesome, but sometimes, you gotta just let go and take some random pictures. these are some random pictures taken on our new camera. enjoy friends!

so thats all. i guess you can tell what takes up most of the pictures on our camera (our duke). hope you all are having great weeks!

Fighting the good fight

what a crazy weekend. friday was a tough day, and i think that those are ok. for so long I felt like I should never have a sad or melancholy day, but as the candles on my birthday cake increase, the more aware i am of myself and my feelings. who knew that when i get home from work, i need a good 20 minutes to just chill and be quiet? not i. who knew that i need to take a shower, not only to smell good, but i need that peacefulness of the hot water, good smelling soap, and peace and quiet? not me.

i love finding out new things about myself. it feels so fulfilling. like that feeling you get when you finally finish that hard part of a puzzle, or get through a bone chilling, scary point of the movie. by no means are you finished with the puzzle or movie, but you breath that sigh of relief, let your shoulders drop, and feel at peace again. it is even better when you are with someone you can share those things with. "hey nay! i just found out that i love cooking breakfast on saturday morning!" or "nay guess what? when i clean the kitchen floor, i feel like a real, honest to goodness wife!"

i bet he thinks i'm crazy.

it's so funny the things we get our self-worth from. the fact that when i live in a clean house, i feel like a good wife. not just a wife, but a good wife. or when dinner is ready right when nathan gets home, i tell ya, i beam with pride as i walk the steaming plates over to our table. i just feel like i am getting better and better at this wife business, and that is such a great feeling. i never knew cleaning and cooking would make me, dare i say, proud.

when we first talked of getting married, i thought that cooking and cleaning was so demeaning for a female. i mean, there is more to me than my boiling water and scrubbing toilet skills. i have a mind. a heart. a soul. ideas. thoughts. opinions. favorites. talents.

but i am learning that all of those things, while the are good and important; they are tiny if they are not shown with love and joy. and i find i get my joy from a clean house and a grateful husband. i get happiness from a clean and well groomed dog. i never knew this part of me existed, but i am so happy i know now. but let me clarify, i don't always enjoy manual labor. i think what i love is deeper.

i love working hard.

i love when my hands ache from being busy.

i love taking a shower after feeling gross from cleaning all day.

i love the feeling of being exhausted from hard work.

i love working so hard i can actually see change, and a difference.

and mostly, i love finding things working hard for.

there are so many things in this world that are worth working and fighting for. there are so many people, and causes, and relationships worth rolling up your sleeves and digging your hands in whole-heartily. because in the end, what else is really worth fighting for?

family- definitely worth fighting for.

friends- always worth fighting for.

love- the only thing worth fighting for.

I missed the light...

i am beginning to understand why some people go weeks without blogging. either you dont feel like it, or there is just something going on in your life that is just there. in the fore-front of your mind, and you cant think of anything else. no other thoughts can creep in or out, just this one.

and it haunts you.

it follows you.

it hurts you.

and you tend to forget. you forget to smile and say happy things to people. these thoughts make it impossible to concentrate, feel, and even get outside yourself. i hate that feeling. i do everything i can to shake it off- a shower, a walk around the block, going to work, thinking happy thoughts, wishing upon a star, eating good food- but it is still there.

waiting.

waiting to be thought about.

waiting to ruin your day.

and it does. and when it does you feel so defeated. you tried so hard not to let it in, to step away from it into the sunshine and breathe. but there is no getting rid of it unless you are honest and kind. you take it head on and realize it is bigger than you. bigger than you self-discipline- cause in the end, it is just you and your thoughts.

thats why God is so great. he gets it, he knows, and he wants it. he wants to share in your pain with you. he is the tissue, the best friend who always picks up the phone, the final tear from your puffy eyes, and the feeling of taking that big breath when you realize your going to be ok.

this is just a speed bump, something you need to be a little more careful of. you must take your time, be steady and patient, and when you pass it, you dont even notice.

but God does.

And i believe that he is happy. that he feels wonderful when we realize we will be ok. there will be a tomorrow. and if we are lucky enough to have that person with us forever, to go through it with, it will be even sweeter. two times the grace, and two times the love.

on my way to work this morning i am thinking. thinking so much i miss the light and people honk at me in the safety of their cars. and i cant concentrate so i miss the light. and i realize i missed the light and that the people behind me are angry and in a hurry, and i start to feel hot and embarrassed, but as i look to my right i see a church. now, i have seen this church 5 days a week, two times a day, and i have never noticed anything different.

but today was different. in my embarrassment and humility i see this sign in those cheap plastic letters on the side of the brick building. and it says something. something i needed to see. something i needed to feel:

"love always prevails"

my heart beats faster. my palms start to sweat. my brain swims in my head and i thank God for that. because he knows what we need. he uses cheap plastic letters to show us that he knows. and what better comfort is to hear someone say "i know, i totally understand"? so God understands, and he knows, and better yet, he shows us that he does.

however, it is only when love fails do we seem to notice. but when it prevails, it isnt always in the way we want it to. it's subtle, it's sincere, it's quiet, and it isnt always powerful. it comes right when we need it. it comes when you come home and the messy living room you have been living with for weeks is cleaned by your husband. it is when your dog finally "sits" without yelling at him or having a treat. it is when you say "this is my favorite christmas commercial" at the same time as your best friend. and i love that word: always.

not that it "sometimes" prevails or prevails when "your in a good mood". it does not prevail if you are better looking or smarter. it is not conditional, it is not a question, it is a statement. and it is true-

always.

and that was all i needed. God showing me his grace, and mercy, and kindness. and when you are in the middle of feeling awful, and someone shows you immense mercy and grace, you cant help but cry. hot powerful tears of joy and relief, and when i was done i took a long steady breath and walked into the sunshine feeling it warm my face. and today is a new day.

it is a good day.

and today, love will prevail.

i heart november

today was a good one, and here's why- i didnt take my sweater off. hear me out. on most days, i leave the house wearing a cozy comfy sweater and by mid-afternoon, it is balled up in the corner of my small cubicle, waiting to be used for tomorrow. 

but not today.

today it stayed on. 

today it kept me warm and happy. it was cool outside. and crisp. and smelled wonderful. today took me back years, years when we ran outside playing until we were tired of being sticky and hot. our lungs ached for air, but we payed no attention to the needs of anything but 'the right now'. 

i thought a lot about my life today.

where i'm going. how im going to get there. who will i get t

here with. what will i be doing until then. will i change lives. will mine change. these thoughts flooded my head and i thought about my family and friends.

and i wasnt disappointed.

Target

one of my vices is target. everything from the popcorn and soda combo ($1.50!!) to the very distinct smell of target, makes me happy. and for a brief moment, i am overwhelmed by all the possibilities.. i could get a new outfit and plasma screen if i wanted too. that place answers prayers, i tell ya. 

so lately nathan and i have wanted to get another bookshelf for our living room since our books now are just resting on other books and becoming...well just silly looking. so i went online and couldnt find anything worth buying, but as i went there today i found an awesome bookshelf that matches our other book shelf, and looks awesome. 

So i love target but there is one problem- i always happen to wear red shirts when i go to target. anyone who goes to target knows why this is a problem. the employees of target have a simple uniform: brown pants and red shirts. they dont have a specific red shirt, so when i go there in my usual red shirt, i am always asked for help. "ma'am," they say to me "where is the laundry soap?" or "young lady, where in the world do you keep our diabetic candy?" dont even get me started on why the asian culture seems to seek me out and ask me questions in their native tongue. i'm white. like wonder bread. like apple pie. like netflix. 

The times, they are a changing

now usually, i am a big supporter for the time change, especially when we 'fall back'. however, i'm feeling a little down with the way this particular time change is affecting my world. for instance, when i wake up the sun is shooting through my window onto my face and wakes me up hours before my alarm clock will, but i feel more energized in the morning when the sun is out, and i feel like my day started hours ago. but then it gets dark outside; and fast. when i leave work, roughly around 5:01 (but who's counting) its almost pitch black, and i already feel tired and like my time is running out. so i race home to try and save some precious moments of my day, only to see that it is only 5:30 p.m. and i still have time for all my evening duties. it's so strange how electricity changes things; i learned in one of my fancy community college classes, that people would go to sleep when the sun set, and wake up when the sun went down. but then electricity came into play and people stayed up longer, and woke up at the same time, throwing off the original sleep cycle. i think that is all i learned in that class...

(this is a picture to change the subject-however, duke and i are not the subject)

the subject is this fine man:

thats my rockstar husband and he kicks ass. 

he also...

is a mans man- a hunter really

world class cuddler and papa to our duke...

not only stares danger in the face, but puts his head in it's mouth...

and he's my best friend.

I am the luckiest girl in the world. true story.

Today

it rained. not just a soft slow rain, but a nice flow of rain, the kind where you run extremely clumsily to your car in hopes to stay as dry as possible. only problem is, it only happened in the wee hours of the morning when my alarm clock wasnt even THINKING of waking me up, and my dog was taking up most of the bed. by the way, have you met the duke?

that is a whole other story which i will get to soon, but for now, lets stick to november. can you believe it's november? thanksgiving dinners filled with turkey and family members, and then christmas right behind. Isnt it awesome that there is not only a holiday in that last 3 months of the year (halloween- october, thanksgiving- november, christmas-december) but they get better and better. halloween is cool, it kicks ass if you are creative and go as mother earth or the new testament (yeah someone totally went as that!) but still just a little holiday-you dont even get it off work, so that doesnt count. then we have thanksgiving which is awesome. good food, great people, and 2 days off work. then it is the mama of holidays; Christmas. Christmas is like the queen bee, head honcho, 'the man', the whole ball of wax, all the marbles- THE holiday. 

Christmas brings me joy and here is why. people are buying gifts for other people. we cruise the busy and over crowed malls to find 'the gift' the gift that will pale in comparisons to all the other gifts they may get this year. and when you find it, oh the joy and the happiness! you leave that store puffed with the slightest bit of pride that you may have made someones holiday. i dig it. plus, everyone is in jackets and mittens, and the scarves come out from the closet, and the world is good. there are gifts, and there is good, and there is rain. 

From scratch...

So i broke down and got a blog. Don't get me wrong, i love them and i love reading all of yours, but i dont know if i can keep up with it all. and if i keep up with it too much will you all think i have no life and should be doing something better with my time like learning how to cook or how to make a quilt. But sadly my husband likes my mediocre cooking and i am too impatient for quilt making, so blogging will have to do, so here i go.

Nathan and i lived with our 5 best friends for about a year in a home we lovingly called the house of doom. There we had too many experiences to even write down, but a few of them are these- 2 amazing christmas with so many stockings they took up a whole wall, a series of travelers coming to stay with us for either a couple days or few weeks (we liked some more than others), a million 'friends' episodes, 3 little dogs running everywhere and humping everything, home cooked dinners around a tiny table, and great talks with our best friends. All from different walks of life, students, married, waitress, drape hangers, and church employees. All with a different story, but all with the same paths in front of us.  

                             

So these are our friends, our family, and the people we serve and are served with. There are more, but these are them, and these people will always remind us of our silly pasts and limitless futures. 

So now we are at a point where Nathan and i have moved out on our own to a little place that is our own cozy home- fireplace, comfy bed, colorful rooms, and a place to call our own. The best part is that is that it is starting to get colder out now, and the fireplace is perfect for late night games of '13' and 'uno' while duke sleeps on the couch. The rain hits the ground beneath us and the trees that branch near our window and it smells like clean and wholesome- like the way God intended. I wonder if the Garden of Eden ever smelled like that, and that smell was just the norm; just yummy smelling rain and flowers and fall. I bet it did, because i imagine that God likes fall, it is one his favorite seasons. a new brand of colors to use and a change of pace from the blues, greens, and bright yellows of summer to deep reds and browns and mustard yellows. i think i like that. 

thats all for now, we will see if i continue to post. lets hope!