Fighting the good fight

what a crazy weekend. friday was a tough day, and i think that those are ok. for so long I felt like I should never have a sad or melancholy day, but as the candles on my birthday cake increase, the more aware i am of myself and my feelings. who knew that when i get home from work, i need a good 20 minutes to just chill and be quiet? not i. who knew that i need to take a shower, not only to smell good, but i need that peacefulness of the hot water, good smelling soap, and peace and quiet? not me.

i love finding out new things about myself. it feels so fulfilling. like that feeling you get when you finally finish that hard part of a puzzle, or get through a bone chilling, scary point of the movie. by no means are you finished with the puzzle or movie, but you breath that sigh of relief, let your shoulders drop, and feel at peace again. it is even better when you are with someone you can share those things with. "hey nay! i just found out that i love cooking breakfast on saturday morning!" or "nay guess what? when i clean the kitchen floor, i feel like a real, honest to goodness wife!"

i bet he thinks i'm crazy.

it's so funny the things we get our self-worth from. the fact that when i live in a clean house, i feel like a good wife. not just a wife, but a good wife. or when dinner is ready right when nathan gets home, i tell ya, i beam with pride as i walk the steaming plates over to our table. i just feel like i am getting better and better at this wife business, and that is such a great feeling. i never knew cleaning and cooking would make me, dare i say, proud.

when we first talked of getting married, i thought that cooking and cleaning was so demeaning for a female. i mean, there is more to me than my boiling water and scrubbing toilet skills. i have a mind. a heart. a soul. ideas. thoughts. opinions. favorites. talents.

but i am learning that all of those things, while the are good and important; they are tiny if they are not shown with love and joy. and i find i get my joy from a clean house and a grateful husband. i get happiness from a clean and well groomed dog. i never knew this part of me existed, but i am so happy i know now. but let me clarify, i don't always enjoy manual labor. i think what i love is deeper.

i love working hard.

i love when my hands ache from being busy.

i love taking a shower after feeling gross from cleaning all day.

i love the feeling of being exhausted from hard work.

i love working so hard i can actually see change, and a difference.

and mostly, i love finding things working hard for.

there are so many things in this world that are worth working and fighting for. there are so many people, and causes, and relationships worth rolling up your sleeves and digging your hands in whole-heartily. because in the end, what else is really worth fighting for?

family- definitely worth fighting for.

friends- always worth fighting for.

love- the only thing worth fighting for.