i am terrified, but i dont know why.
i start school tomorrow. i am going back to school to finish up that few remaining classes i will need in order to transfer to a cal state. i am terrified because i have no job.
we have one income when we are so accustomed to having two. we will scrape by and be very uncomfortable for a period of about 4 months.
THEN, i will have to go back to a job i hate in order to help keep my family afloat.
i am scared to be going back to school.
scared of what that means for us.
petrified of change.
crippled by the unknown yet overwhelmingly aware that it is coming. like a speed train to my toes it will steam through me and shake both of our lives.
i am humiliated that it is taking me this long and that a friend i have grown up with since 4th grade is getting her masters.
i feel like a fool.
i feel like i have nothing left to give.
to be honest, i am sick of feeling.
but tomorrow will come whether i like it or not, and i will have to face the sunshine with either a good or a bad attitude. i will have to breath and walk and drive with the choice to be thankful or the choice to be broken.
i will choose west.
i will choose thankful.
i hope.
