i'm scared.

plain and simple.

i am terrified, but i dont know why.

i start school tomorrow. i am going back to school to finish up that few remaining classes i will need in order to transfer to a cal state. i am terrified because i have no job.

we have one income when we are so accustomed to having two. we will scrape by and be very uncomfortable for a period of about 4 months.

THEN, i will have to go back to a job i hate in order to help keep my family afloat.

i am scared to be going back to school.

scared of what that means for us.

petrified of change.

crippled by the unknown yet overwhelmingly aware that it is coming. like a speed train to my toes it will steam through me and shake both of our lives.

i am humiliated that it is taking me this long and that a friend i have grown up with since 4th grade is getting her masters.

i feel like a fool.

i feel like i have nothing left to give.

to be honest, i am sick of feeling.

but tomorrow will come whether i like it or not, and i will have to face the sunshine with either a good or a bad attitude. i will have to breath and walk and drive with the choice to be thankful or the choice to be broken.

i will choose west.

i will choose thankful.

i hope.