true story.
yesterday was a hard one. i started school full time for the first time in almost 3 years. eek.
thinking back on it, i dont know why it was so hard or why i was so shaken up by it, but for some reason i had to choke back tears about 3 times throughout the day. how silly i felt trying to find my class while i have these huge tears threatening to spill out of my eyes and onto my green shirt. the green shirt that took me 10 minutes to decide i was going to wear.
yesterday had the possibility to be great. to be a blessing. but i wouldnt let it. i let my fear and anxiety take over and ruin the newness of the day. our lives are starting a new chapter, and instead of opening that book and taking a deep breath ready to open the pages, i put it under the bed afraid to face it.
i have been so consumed by my feelings of self worth and not measuring up, that i have forgotten about how those feels affect nathan. to have his wife feel that the life he made for us isnt good enough. that the hard work he puts in and all the sacrifices he has made dont measure up.
heartbreaking.
i was on the phone with my mom when she said all that to me, and i could actually feel my heart break. i could feel this squeezing feeling that left me so sad but ready for change. as i pulled into our parking spot my day was totally changed and when i got home i was different. today is going to be a great day. today, as i start 2 new classes, i will take this day as a blessing.
i will make this day great and i will do it not only for me, not only for God. not only for my sanity and soul. but i will do it for my husband.
thank you mom for being exactly what i needed. giving me the right words at exactly the right time.
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