Saint Monica

last night as we were going to bed, i told nathan i wanted to do something fun today. something we dont usually do, something that enabled us to go outside and enjoy the sunshine, something worthy of taking up our saturday. so we woke up this morning, got ready, took the duke to kips house and headed out to our day date: santa monica.

as we drove we talked: a lot. we talked about jesus and our marriage. the things we want to see in the future with our church and in our lives- that conversation in itself was fulfilling and made our saturday glorious.

but it didnt end there.

we went to old navy for some stellar shopping- i couldnt find anything so we went upstairs to the mens section and on a table where they had the mens jeans we found them: the jeans. they were exactly what nathan has been looking for; right color, right size, right everything but no price tag. they didnt even belong on that table and we coudnt find them anywhere, but nathan tried them on and they fit like a dream. so we went to pay for them and we held out breathes as she typed in the code. our fingers shook, our hearts beat faster: how much are these magic pants?!!?!

$5.

it was amazing! it was perfect, and it was a great start to our day date. the rest of the day consisted of walking around and holding hands, it was pretty much perfect. we walked on 3rd street, walked down to the pier, ate burgers and had delicious lemonade, and did some pretty smokin' people watching.

the day was fun and now i am totally beat.

i think it's nap time now....

me and the hound

nate driving

the duke

us

santa monica

kid runnin'

beach.

wonderful

these people...

make my life...

a wonderful place...

true story.

i may be cured

first, let me start off with a humble thank you to all who were gracious and loving sending me texts, facebook comments (i think thats what their called...i'm still new) calls, gifts, showing up to one or all of my birthday occasions.

i feel beyond loved and special.

birthdays are a big deal for me. for me they are not just days that roll along with another number added to your age, it is a day of celebration. to be excited that someone i love was born on that day. to celebrate the life that has been led and the life that has yet to be discovered.

i love birthdays because they are so important. other people dont see them that way and that gets me into a little bit of trouble. i dont want to be showered with praise and worship on my birthday, but i do want to feel loved and that someone is celebrating me. that people are glad that i am alive, since i am glad so many of you are. i want to make sure that i am living in a way that people want to celebrate me. they want to be happy that i am alive and kicking.

on my 14th birthday i had a party: a bounce house and one of those 15 foot sandwiches from subway. i invited about 25 people and had on my cutest thrift store shirt and jeans and waiting to my guests to arrive: but no one came.

not one.

even now as my fingers type the story, my eyes swell with tears and i feel my stomach drop and my heart hurt. i still, after all these years, carry that hurt around with me. every birthday since i am always so weary that no one will come to my birthday, that people will find something better to do and i will become a distant memory.

i become expendable.

i know that this is something i must get over and i need to let the past be the past, but that is why birthdays are so important. the reason they mean so much to me, and as silly as it is, makes me feel like people want me around, they are glad i am around.

this birthday is so memorable because i actually felt that this time. for the first time in a very long time i felt celebrated and loved and enjoyed by all my friends and those that mean the world to me.

this was no ordinary birthday folks.

this one may have cured me.

nays and stepmom and dad sent me a flower cupcake...too cute

nay bought me a new clutch...dreamy

fancy new plugs

cheesecake factory fries

nay looks kinda like a creeper

more cupcake goodness

4 for 20 movies: heck to the yes

Come on down!!

i have great friends.

friends who make waiting around all day fun. friends who dont complain that they are tired or not feeling well even when they are. friends who are just fun to be around no matter what is going on or how long we have waited.

yesterday we went to a taping of the Price is Right for my birthday. we had to get there at 12:00 p.m. and didnt even get to be on a taping until 4:00 p.m. we all waited and talked and got to know each other a little bit better.

we finally got on the show and clapped and cheered until our hands could clap no more, and even with a group of 22, none of us got picked to go on the show! can you believe that?! only at the end there was a prize given out to the audience and Justine got it. nice job jean!

here are some pictures of the day, we couldnt take cameras in there so these are just from before and after the event.

thank you all who came and made that day so great, seriously, you are all the best birthday presents ever.

without rest

i have written 3 full blogs and i just couldnt bring myself to press the "publish post" button. i just have all these thoughts and worries and feelings going on inside of me, i cant put it into words. i still dont have a grasp on all that is going on to hold on long enough to try and do it justice. i guess the main feeling i have is restlessness. i just feel so restless with where my life is and i feel like my accomplishments are so few and far between.

my life just feels so blah right now, i dont feel i have anything to offer anyone. i am disappointed with myself and angry that my life looks the way it does. that was the best attempt i had and giving you all a glimpse into my brain.

i dont know much right now, but i know these pictures make me feel better.