vigor.

i havent been sleeping well lately. i wake up multiple times throughout the night and i just cant get comfortable. i get on my side. no dice. roll over onto my back. not happening. try to curl into the fetal position just to catch some evading sleep, no such luck. it eludes me. it knows i am coming and it runs and hides, and i just cant find it.

i think this is because my mind is uncontrollable. i cant get it to shut off for 10 minutes so i can swoop in and grab that much needed sleep. but my mind is unforgiving and does not sense the urgency in my limbs that ache for sleep. my mind whirls and winds until i am laying with my eyes wide open feeling that sense of dread that i have a 'd' in my math class. and just as i wrote that last sentence, a small part of me says "who cares"? there are bigger fish to fry. there are more important things to spend my time thinking about and working towards. world hunger. world peace. sex slavery. the hungry. the cold. the lost. the childless. the widows. the orphans. the divorced. the rich. the sad. the lost. the angry. the hopeless. the broken. the beaten. the ignored. the unloved.

so many more important things to do in this world than worry about a "d". Lord, please dont let me spend one more minute worrying about my life, when i could be worrying about Yours.

when i die, on my headstone there will be my birthday, a dash, and then the day i die (June 13, 1986-). i want people to remember 'the dash'. the part in the middle that is the most important part but is the smallest. the least detail. says the least about me. but that 'dash' is all i have. it is all the time i have to save the world, and i am going to try.

i really am.

what a better way to end a great halloween. with hope. with vigor. with passion. with pumpkins.

Amazing

My day can be summed up in one word:

+

+

= Amazing.

the trees are beginning to change.

they are turning from their vibrant greens to deep browns as they scatter across our porch and cars. they sprinkle the lawns around me and crunch under my sandals and they make that amazing sound that words cant do justice.

and i am beginning to change too.

it's so weird, i have never enjoyed school this much. it may be because the stakes are now raised and i have given up so much for the chance, but i am really enjoying my science class. i am learning about elements and atoms and gravity and the complexities that have made my world amazing. honestly, this class makes me feel so small. so tiny.

i love feeling tiny.

also, our marriage is fun. i am enjoying the roles that we have grown into and the new things we are learning from each other. there will be so many ups and downs in any relationship, and i am so blessed that we have been on an 'up' for so long. our first six months of marriage was really hard, and since then it has been getting better and better.

i dont know if i can love him anymore, but i am always surprised when i do.

so in conclusion, the leaves are changing, i am changing, i love being tiny, and i am loving my husband more and more.

life is good.