Sick Nathan

Nathan has been sick this week.

i hate sick nathan. i really do.

let me explain: nathan feels that when he is sick, he shouldnt have to do anything: no dishes, no bed making, no cooking, no cleaning, no showers, literally there is nothing. he is sick and that is that. 

and while i agree with that logic on some levels, on other levels i dont. in that area, we are totally different. just because i have a case of the sniffles doesnt mean that the world stops turning or that there are no more jobs to be done. and honestly, i dont know who is right.

but who's right isnt the issue. the issue is the fact that neither of us are good at serving when we are sick. nathan is more upfront about it: he just wont do it. and not in a jerk way, but in a sweetly irritating way. the kind of way that you cant be mad at him, but you are counting down the days until he's feeling better. 

i on the other hand serve, but not with a kind heart. i will clean the house and do the dishes, all the while wiping my nose on my sleeve, and not stop until the house is clean. but i'm not happy. i'm not doing it because it is good for my character, and doing it actually chips away at my character. 

i get bitter that he isnt the one doing it, and i, the sick one, is stuck doing all of the work. so while i am cleaning the house and running errands, my heart starts to ache as much as my sick body does, and i dont know how to stop.

i dont know how to put the comet down and retreat to bed. and i dont know how to serve without ulterior motives or a bitter heart. 

but i am learning.

this last time that i was sick, i slept. i stayed home. i made fires and watched tv and snuggled with duke, and it felt nice. i only hope that with time i will be able to serve with a open heart and a better attitude. surprisingly, i am learning from my silly husband how to serve better and wholeheartedly. 

i want to be like him more and more each day.

except when he is sick.