i know

this is me and my mom:

literally, this picture describes our relationship to a 'T'. this picture was taken on my wedding day hours before i no longer belonged to her and i was about to be belong to someone new.

someone she didnt approve of.

someone she thought wouldnt make me happy.

but he does, and she knows that now. she has seen us grow and become adults together: get our first real jobs together, get our first place together, travel together, support each other,

almost move, start a college group, go to back to school, get our first dog together: the works.

with mothers day coming tomorrow, i realized my mom has come so far as a woman and as my mom. she respects me as a woman and allows me to make my own mistakes and learn from them. she rejoices when my husband sends me flowers and she is sad when we have a miscommunications. every time, and i do mean every time, we get off the phone she says: "send my love to nathan". she has come full circle from where she used to be when it came to my relationship with nathan.

she loves him almost as much as i do, and that took a lot of effort and a lot of courage. she knew that getting married so young would be hard on us. she knew that i would drop out of college if we got married. but she didnt know we would love each other as much as we do. she didnt know that being married to nathan is what i was made to do (amongst other things).

but she does now.

she knows, and i want her to know that i know. i know she has changed. i know that she loves us. i know that she is sorry and she almost lost out on something great with us. i know that she is learning how to be a mother-in-law like i am learning to be a wife. i know that she is trying harder than she ever thought she would try.

i know mom.

i know.

Never say never

ever since i was a little girl, i've always been an outdoors kind of girl. whether it is camping or being in the backyard planting flowers or just enjoying the sunshine, i have always loved being outside. the smell of fresh air, the way the wind blows your hair, the blinding sun, the swaying trees...it makes me wish that it wasnt 9:30 p.m. so i could go outside right now. i remember being a kid and feeling so sad when the sun started to set and the sweat on my skin dried and sent those cold shivers down my back.

but somewhere along the way from being a kid and turning into and adult, outside became less appealing: it offered less and less to me the older i got. being outside in the sun has become and inconvenience and i scan the area for shade. the blowing wind now irritates me as it sends my hair in all different directions sticking to my mouth and chapstick. and it isnt the whether that has changed: the sun didnt become less sunny and warm and the wind didnt become less mysterious.

i just lost it.

i forgot the feeling of being in love with nature and being outside. i feel like i have forgotten about a part of me that is still very much there, but is buried behind errands, laziness, excuses, and plans. these things are not more important or take precedence over the glory that sits outside my window, it just sits in my mind and haunts me to the point where i cant see how warm it is outside or how beautiful my neighbors flowers are.

these thoughts came to me today as i was sitting in my house, on my comfy couch, with remote in hand getting ready to watch a movie, when for some reason my eyes wandered outside and i was shocked at how blue the sky was.

i hadnt noticed all day.

i was too busy cleaning and running errands to see the magic that was sitting outside my window. and its not like it's hard to miss! it's the huge blueness above my head! when i realized how much i had been missing out on, i turned the television off and walked outside to look at the blue above me, and it was probably the best part of my day.

i believe that God has put that desire in all of us; the desire for nature and the sense of freedom that comes with it. freedom from cellphones and buildings and cars that take up too much room on our already crowded streets. freedom from our wallets and pocketbooks and plans we think take precedence over our own sense of peace and relaxation.i believe that God speaks to us in those moments, where He actually has a chance at getting our attention and gently brings us to a different place.

a holy place.

i never thought that my small condo porch would ever bring me a sense of peace or inspire a blog, but as a good friend of mine once blogged "never say never".

i've been (gulp) tagged!

Rebecca got me right as i got home from work, no make up, no lunch, nothing but me and the duke watching "recess".

i dont think i am going to tag anyone, but if you feel like taking a picture of yourself and putting it on your blog, i encourage it. i guess i'm not playing the game very well...so shoot me.

on another note, i am taking duke to petsmart to get his nails clipped and his giant, monster, dumbo ears cleaned. the last time i took him there, they treated him so poorly that when i went to pick him up he was growling at the lady...and my duke doesnt growl.

this encounter was about a year ago and when i called to make the appointment, i told them the situation and they lady explained that a while ago they did have a bad batch of employees but now things are better and duke should be in much better hands...we'll see.

you better not mess with my duke or there will be hell to pay...true story. we'll see if she lives to tell her friends how cute my dog was when he came in.

seriously lucky

there are people in this world that are just different. they are calmer and quieter. they are kinder and have an amazingly gentle spirit. they are diligent in choosing good and are at their best when they are serving others.

these people are a rare breed at best. but when you find these people, you are taken aback and you find yourself wanting to be like these people. mirroring their kindness and finding a better version of yourself in them.

nathans old boss is one of those people.

and today we had a party to honor all of the hard work he has done, and will continue to do. his whole family is moving overseas to answer the call that God has on their lives, which is mission work and serving those in need. i am so proud of them and the courage it takes to pack up and leave all the comforts of home to live in a foreign country, all for the glory of our God. i am proud, but i am also so deeply sad that we will no longer be able to see that family as often as we do.

to watch their kids grow and make good decisions. to have great conversations about God and all the great things going on in our lives. to support each other in huge decisions and give words of encouragement.

and honestly, we arent even that close.

isnt that silly? to miss something that is still here and something i dont even know well or understand?

i'm just going to try and get as much time with them as i can. they are wonderful.

the boys in a battle for glory

one of the cutest kids...ever

ufc was on...enough said

uncle randy attacking the kids

first hugs

randy surprising andy

another one of those people who are glorious and just make life easier is this cool cat:

her name is katie, and she pretty much rocks. we went out to dinner friday night at this awesome place in downtown santa ana and grubbed on some interesting food, and had some even better conversation.

i am seriously lucky to be surrounded by such great people.

seriously lucky.

out on a limb

today didnt feel like a monday. if anything it felt like a saturday which is a wonderful, fantastic, glorious feeling- until you realize that tomorrow isnt sunday and you do in fact, have to drag yourself to work.

but it felt like saturday because i only worked a 3 hour day, due to the fact our air conditioning guy was coming today, and that was certainly not a meeting i wanted to miss. i got home and janvier came over to hang out with me and go swimming later. so we waited around in my sicky home until the fixed air conditioning filled the rooms with much needed icy air. after we ate, took some pictures of our hounds playing, and watched some harry potter, we dragged our sweaty bodies down to the pool for some sun bathing and swimming.

what a wonderful monday/saturday.

cool refreshing water ran along my hands and the back of my neck washing all of the heat away, and filled my body with a feeling fresh and calming. it was so great just to lay on top of the water and feel it carry me around, sun beating down on my now sunburn face, and drops of water finding their way into my mouth and ears.

on a monday. when i should be at work.

glorious.

needless to say, i am extremely exhausted and ready to crawl into our comfy bed for some good ol' fashion sleeping and relaxing. hmm...even as i wrote that sentence my body was very disappointed with me that i am still sitting at this computer.

i'm going to go out on a limb and say that is one of the best ideas i have ever had. good job brain.

favorites

our house is a mess right now, and normally i am a good cleaner, but not today. today i want to sit on the couch and watch the vacations: European, Vegas, Christmas, ect. the dishwasher needs to be emptied, the groceries i got THREE days ago need to be put away, the floors need a good vacuuming, making beds...

ugh.

just thinking about all the work that needs to be done makes me want to throw the blankets over my head and wait for nathan to get home. unfortunately, duke is napping peacefully on that huge pile of blankets, and he is not keen to being woken up. plus he is just so damn cute i dont want to move him.

he is on of my most favorite things in the world. i dont have a lot of favorites, but he is totally one of them. also, a good friend of mine bought me an early birthday present and it quickly became another one of my favorites:

it smells like magic. (thanks Katie!)

still speaking of favorites, the other day me and two lovely ladies went to the orange circle to take some pictures. here are some of my favorite pictures from that day.

and a few of the duke. i just cant help it.

pigeons

once upon a time there were three pigeons, and they were wonderful friends. they lived in a time where there was a mean cat that ruled over them and made them bring her food whenever she wanted. so one day these three pigeons got together to make a plan to destroy the evil cat. one pigeon wanted to kill her, the other pigeon wanted to sing her to sleep forever, and the other pigeon wanted to kidnap the cat. they finally decided that they were going kill the cat, so one day they found that cat and BOOM! they killed her and took over the town, and they lived happily ever after.

that was the story that my husband told me the other night when i asked him to tell me a story as we were going to bed. i wasnt totally tired yet and we were just laying there giggling and being weird, when i asked him to tell me a story. he agreed sweetly and oddly enough it put me right to sleep: after i was done laughing my head off.

i would like to hope that things like that will happen throughout our marriage, and make our relationship that much stronger. kinder. sillier. i love being silly. i love whenever i watch the lion king, i just want to prowl around the house and get nathan to growl with me. i love that we get all silly right before were about to go to bed. i love that if nathan has a guitar in his hands and just strumming, he will make up a song abou

t me:

casey your making pasta

that doesnt make me want to hasta

your cooking is the best

makes me want to wear a vest

stuff like that makes our marriage. not the arguments. not the miscommunications. not the misunderstanding and fights that happen with any relationship. i believe that we can choose what makes our relationship, and i choose silly. i also think that it will be a constant battle to choose the silly and the joyful not the struggles, because honestly, it is sometimes easier to be mad and frustrated than it is to be vulnerable and funny.

this weekend was fun, but it was also a tough one for nathan and i. it felt like we were just missing each other: every time i was being silly, nathan was irritated, and every time he wanted to be funny or joke with me, i wasnt in the mood for that. it felt like we went through this the whole weekend until sunday night around 5 when we just sat down and talked about it. we were both being stupid and needed to get over the tiny misconceptions we had going on in our heads. and after we were done, it felt like the whole weight of the weekend was lifted and we could finally breathe. on the way to our friends house we were laughing and smiling and finally enjoying the weekend.

what a waste of a weekend.

i just hope we continue to choose silly.

and pigeons.