Valentines

this was our valentines day.

it was spent with friends of our whom we love and whose paths together are just beginning.

nathan brought home a ton of drape and made this tent for us outside. the twinkle lights and the cold air made the night perfect.

except for the fact that the chicken we made wasnt cooked. like at all. and we had to put it back in and we didnt end up eating until almost 10 o'clock at night.

but we all had a great time talking and laughing and baking and cooking and remembering why that day was so special.

and when we were finished eating we sat in our living room and talked until i had to go to bed.

we had a great time. and love was rejoiced. and relationships were reveled in.

realize.

today kicked my butt.

like a school girl crush trampled by the reality of a love that will never come.

today knocked the air out of my already tired lungs and i lay here in bed just wishing for sleep.

today has made me grateful for the flawless sunny days where my couch engulfs me and surrounds me with silly dreams. thankful for the brief moments of laughter nathan and i shared today watching the westminster dog show.

although today was bad, it wasnt awful.

a storm is brewing and the way i approach it will change everything.

everything.

everything.

i cant get over it. that word gives me chills.

this is not impossible. it is not a situation that will shake my foundation and crumble my spirits.

but they are bruised. they are black and blue with blows that life gives out when you least expect it. and each blow comes without grace or mercy. they come over, and over, and over, and over.

unfortunately, nay had this kind of day today too. we were a bunch of sad saps who just looked at each other hoping this day would end sooner.

but tomorrow has a promise and hope that i have taken for granted. i love how the terrible, no good days make us realize what a blessing those mundane days really are.

times.

hello friends.

i cant believe that it is already february. it seems like just yesterday we were buying our christmas tree and nathan was so bravely putting up thousands of twinkling christmas lights on our house to make me happy. the feeling of christmas going is almost as sad as i am happy when it comes.

does that make sense?

anyway, it's february and that means valentines day, THREE days off of school for presidents and their days, a couple birthday parties, and hopefully catching up on some of the projects here at the jones house. and boy, do we have projects. when they said we would always be working on the house they didnt lie. holy smokes, and most of these projects are things we started but couldnt finish because of weather, time, or supplies.

it's quite rude that those projects dont just finish themselves! dont they see we have too much to do?!

anyway , valentines day is coming up which is sort of a tough idea for me. dont get me wrong, i like that there is a day dedicated to being loving and showing someone that you love them, but i just feel that the expectations are completely unrealistic. i mean, i think this is cool:

but i just wish that there wasnt so much pressure for the dude to make the girl happy. it's really a holiday for us ladies. and it's not like i am exempt from this- i've been plenty bummed with nay for not doing something cool or forgetting what i asked for.

so, this year, i just told him what i wanted- him to learn, play, and record some love songs for me but to do them his own way. change the melody or the words- whatever he wanted. i gave him a list of songs and one of them is 'fools rush in' by elvis. dog gone that song is amazing. i have been hearing him now and then playing some of the songs and it literally gets me all teary. i love it. (in case you are curious, other songs are: the way you look tonight, follow you into the dark by death cab, and when i'm 64 by the beatles.)
i love elvis. and johnny. i've been listening to some johnny cash as of late and it has been filling my heart with happy. anyway, the fact that it says 1:03 p.m. in the upper right hand corner of my computer means that i need to get my stuff together to get ready to go to class. having class in the middle of the day is sort of a bummer but if we end up getting a scooter it will serve me well.

nothing new

it's been a while. but it usually takes a while for me to blog so i'm not really that bummed about it. i do however get sad when someone blogs something truly profound and exciting, and then nothing for DAYS. it just feels mean.

anyway, nothing much new here. i started school this week and i'm not as freaked about my schedule as i thought i would be, especially taking a stat class. (eek!)

but a few things have been going on...

we have been thinking about getting one of these:

started eating better and sweating it out to the grueling work outs of this drill Sargent. (still havent noticed ANY ANY ANY difference. it's been a couple weeks but so what? i want results now!)

it is finally friday- which is so great because i dont think i could take one more day with boogers and sticky fingers in my face. a girl can only take so many boogers ya know?

i just got new shoes. they are SO cute, but the size 7 was too small and the 71/2 are too big.

really?

boo i say to you target shoe selection.

vices

i've found that the blogging world is pretty forgiving.

i've read blogs devoted to stories of mothers who are at their wits end with the pickiness of their children and the monotony that comes with marriage and children. entire blogs devoted to their failures and their genuine journey to find themselves cleaner than when they started. there is a comfort behind these letters that form these words that came from thoughts that occurred during an event that changed something in us, and there is something about sharing that with someone.

there is a unity and an intense venerability as we post pictures of children, our wedding days, holidays spent with family and friends, these are invaluable moments that we care enough to capture with a camera, and we upload them for the world to see.

i love that we love to share.

these things make me feel better about confessing some of my vices to you all.

CAUTION: if you are afraid of learning these tid-bits about your dear friend than i suggest that you look away and switch to another blogger that you stalk from afar. dont act like you dont do it.

vices of mine:

1. mark wahlberg movies. i'm not sure what it is, but i can always go for a mark wahlberg movie.

2. 90210. when i was a kid i wasnt really supposed to be watching it, but i loved it then, and continue to feed that addiction by owning seasons 1-8. (insert judgment here)

3. blue push pops. they are heaven in candy formation and make your spit taste like fruit juice after hours of finishing the sticky monster!

4. thrift store shopping. it's not that bad, i dont go super often or spend lots of money, but the feeling of going into a thrift store fills my heart with happy.

5. crap t.v. i cant help it, i love watching shows like 'tool academy' and 'celebrity rehab with dr.

drew'.

which leads me to the reason for the blog. i have vices sure, but i have never had an addiction. never a substance that i couldnt go without (other than the obvious air and water). i cant even begin to fathom the depths of pain that causes someone to fill their body with things that will kill them. that numb them so life is easy. to calm them because there is too much going on.

and there is an unspeakable bond between addicts.

they share a connection that no one who hasnt been in their situation understands. on the show one of the alumni patients was asked how long he had been sober to which the answer was 6 months. the current patients roared with applause and there wasnt a dry eye in the house. to me, 6 months is no big shakes. it is the equivalent of 2 semesters at school, which is not a huge deal.

but for these people, it is monumental.

it is worthy of applause and tears and words of encouragement.

i want to start to think of myself in that way. i am so hard on myself.

i pick apart my appearance, weight, education, and status until i am left with nothing but more weight on me than i would like and a sad face.

but i am going to try to look at myself with hope, and every day that i get closer to who i want to be deserves applause and encouragement and love.

because after all, all you need is love. and jesus.

and apparently mark wahlberg.

4

in 4 years, one can do lots of things:

serve as president.

graduate high school.

graduate college (but who are we kidding, this really takes 5. or 8 if your me...or kip)

most likely get tenure.

the show weeds can go downhill...fast.

the show dexter can become UNBELIEVABLE.

and the hardest and most wonderful one of all: being married to their high school sweetheart.

nay and i have been married 4 years today. it's crazy. i have spent most of my life in love with this man, and now i will spend the rest of my life loving him. we have worked so hard to learn each others language.

i love knowing that i can understand nathan while he brushes his teeth. i love knowing that when he says "yeah, totally" he isnt really listening but knows he needs to be. knowing nay NEEDS lettuce in his grilled cheese along with a gigantic heap of mustard for dunking. tickling his feet to get him out of bed. buying him imported monsters to let him know i love him. the fact that he sits on the kitchen floor and watches me cook so we can spend time together. the way he makes me laugh like no other. how goofy he is. the way he makes me feel.

4 years of all of these things can cause an immense blissful overload. here is a synopsis of the past 4 years.

enjoy!

Alaska

swimming with sharks in hawaii

nay in hawaii showing off his ring

san fran

first cruise- mexico

getting our hound

skydiving

nathan's sisters wedding

going on the price is right

actually getting married

dating in college

however, we also bought a house AND i started at a university so i can finally finish school. it's been an awesome 4 year bear, i cant wait for 100 more.

christmas

i have these friends.

they are kind, and funny, and i have the honor of calling them 'friend'.

we got together to do secret santa and nay got the awesome jacket he is wearing in the photo below (courtesy of blue) and i got seinfeld season 8 which i am currently watching (from joey).

i made janvier a purse. like went and picked out the fabric and sewed it.

it was my first time.

and it wasnt great.

but when she got it she acted like it was great. like the fact that the colors didnt go and the strap was uneven didnt matter.

tonight i made spinach artichoke dip and cookies and we ate and talked and listened to bing crosby on my record player.

it was a perfect ending to our busy christmas season.