vices

i've found that the blogging world is pretty forgiving.

i've read blogs devoted to stories of mothers who are at their wits end with the pickiness of their children and the monotony that comes with marriage and children. entire blogs devoted to their failures and their genuine journey to find themselves cleaner than when they started. there is a comfort behind these letters that form these words that came from thoughts that occurred during an event that changed something in us, and there is something about sharing that with someone.

there is a unity and an intense venerability as we post pictures of children, our wedding days, holidays spent with family and friends, these are invaluable moments that we care enough to capture with a camera, and we upload them for the world to see.

i love that we love to share.

these things make me feel better about confessing some of my vices to you all.

CAUTION: if you are afraid of learning these tid-bits about your dear friend than i suggest that you look away and switch to another blogger that you stalk from afar. dont act like you dont do it.

vices of mine:

1. mark wahlberg movies. i'm not sure what it is, but i can always go for a mark wahlberg movie.

2. 90210. when i was a kid i wasnt really supposed to be watching it, but i loved it then, and continue to feed that addiction by owning seasons 1-8. (insert judgment here)

3. blue push pops. they are heaven in candy formation and make your spit taste like fruit juice after hours of finishing the sticky monster!

4. thrift store shopping. it's not that bad, i dont go super often or spend lots of money, but the feeling of going into a thrift store fills my heart with happy.

5. crap t.v. i cant help it, i love watching shows like 'tool academy' and 'celebrity rehab with dr.

drew'.

which leads me to the reason for the blog. i have vices sure, but i have never had an addiction. never a substance that i couldnt go without (other than the obvious air and water). i cant even begin to fathom the depths of pain that causes someone to fill their body with things that will kill them. that numb them so life is easy. to calm them because there is too much going on.

and there is an unspeakable bond between addicts.

they share a connection that no one who hasnt been in their situation understands. on the show one of the alumni patients was asked how long he had been sober to which the answer was 6 months. the current patients roared with applause and there wasnt a dry eye in the house. to me, 6 months is no big shakes. it is the equivalent of 2 semesters at school, which is not a huge deal.

but for these people, it is monumental.

it is worthy of applause and tears and words of encouragement.

i want to start to think of myself in that way. i am so hard on myself.

i pick apart my appearance, weight, education, and status until i am left with nothing but more weight on me than i would like and a sad face.

but i am going to try to look at myself with hope, and every day that i get closer to who i want to be deserves applause and encouragement and love.

because after all, all you need is love. and jesus.

and apparently mark wahlberg.