first, let me start off with a humble thank you to all who were gracious and loving sending me texts, facebook comments (i think thats what their called...i'm still new) calls, gifts, showing up to one or all of my birthday occasions.
i feel beyond loved and special.
birthdays are a big deal for me. for me they are not just days that roll along with another number added to your age, it is a day of celebration. to be excited that someone i love was born on that day. to celebrate the life that has been led and the life that has yet to be discovered.
i love birthdays because they are so important. other people dont see them that way and that gets me into a little bit of trouble. i dont want to be showered with praise and worship on my birthday, but i do want to feel loved and that someone is celebrating me. that people are glad that i am alive, since i am glad so many of you are. i want to make sure that i am living in a way that people want to celebrate me. they want to be happy that i am alive and kicking.
on my 14th birthday i had a party: a bounce house and one of those 15 foot sandwiches from subway. i invited about 25 people and had on my cutest thrift store shirt and jeans and waiting to my guests to arrive: but no one came.
not one.
even now as my fingers type the story, my eyes swell with tears and i feel my stomach drop and my heart hurt. i still, after all these years, carry that hurt around with me. every birthday since i am always so weary that no one will come to my birthday, that people will find something better to do and i will become a distant memory.
i become expendable.
i know that this is something i must get over and i need to let the past be the past, but that is why birthdays are so important. the reason they mean so much to me, and as silly as it is, makes me feel like people want me around, they are glad i am around.
this birthday is so memorable because i actually felt that this time. for the first time in a very long time i felt celebrated and loved and enjoyed by all my friends and those that mean the world to me.
this was no ordinary birthday folks.
this one may have cured me.
nays and stepmom and dad sent me a flower cupcake...too cute
nay bought me a new clutch...dreamy
fancy new plugs
cheesecake factory fries
nay looks kinda like a creeper
more cupcake goodness
4 for 20 movies: heck to the yes
4 comments:
You are special kiddo and don't you forget it. Much love, Kim
YAY it's your birthday? I didn't know! Or else I missed it on here somehow!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!
And I love the cupcake flower~!
15 foot sandwich?!?! that must have lasted a while. haha i'm a fatty for getting excited over that.
Your birthday was awesome. I totally agree with what you were saying. I'm not always one for a party or anything but as long as I'm surrounded with a few good friends, my birthday feels complete.
ps. if that cupcake flower was a real cupcake, i think i'd die of amazedness.
Happy Birthday my friend. I can't imagine how deep and dark that memory must run. I wish I could go back in time and hang out with you that night. I would have been in my early twenties. I was no picnic back then, but maybe we would have had a nice little night....bounce housing....eating 7.5 feet of a Subway Club together....Yeah, that sounds alright.
I love ya. Can't wait to see you on Friday. Happy Happy Day.
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