mysterious.

this saturday has been a nice and relaxing one. i woke up and went to breakfast with a good friend of mine, then we preceded to do what we do best: thrift store shop. we do this well because we have the same love for clothes, and the same love for keeping as much money in our wallets as possible. so we took off in search of cute tops, $10 jeans, and cute sweaters and i would say that is a great use of a saturday.

so anyway, as i was searching for a new wardrobe, i came across the jewelry section and found one of those necklaces that is broken in half where one says "best" and the other ones says "friend" but i only found the "best" part. it made me sad to see this lone necklace being surrounded by gaudy jewelry with broken clasps and strings of pearls with gaping holes. it made me think of all the times i had those necklaces and was so excited to give the other half to my best at the time. unfortunately, i have never had very good luck with friends.


i have had friends who abandoned me.

who have left me behind.

who have ignored me, have taken advantage of me, and left me for someone better.

looking at that necklace, it sent be back to 7th grade and all those feelings of being desperately alone and in need of one friend. i have cried out to my God in agony, begging for someone to understand me, and when they did understand me, they would still love me. i have spent more years than i care to count, friendless and empty in every sense of the word. my journey of life has been painful with no one to talk to.

but as i have grown older, i have found friends, and i ended up marrying the best one. but i never realized that not having friends affected me the way that it did. i am guarded but tend to get really close to people really fast. i expect to be let down, but am still shocked and surprised when it happens. i am a bundle of raw emotions with unrealistic expectations, and often times, it ruins the relationships that i worked so hard to get.

who knew that silly little necklace would have sent be back to 7th grade and the emotions that went with it? if nothing else, it has made me appreciate the friends i have now, and inspired me to examine myself to ensure that i am being the kind of friends, that my friends deserve.

i didnt think that i would find inspiration and comfort in the middle of a thrift store, but as they say, God works in mysterious ways.