ugh.

ugh.

i am feeling so overwhelmed, i have forgotten what it feels like to be whelmed.

i am tired. i have so much on my plate right now, i can hardly function. i have a 5-10 paper due in a week, 3 midterms, being on call for work, being a wife, having a messy house, buying a new house, needing to take care of a TON of paper work for the house, people not returning my calls, needing to do laundry, sleeping, taking care of my dog who just happens to be sucking every ounce of energy, and money might i add, out of my life.

duke has been sick for the past 5 days or so. and by sick i mean pooping blood and mucus, and waking up multiple times during the night to be let out to poop some more blood. i got about 4 hours of sleep last night, and spent the better part of today at the vet with him.

x-rays came back clear except for some gas bubbles which might be the cause of his tummy problems, but this last visit cost us $222. The last visit he was at (a week ago today) cost us $650.

as i look at those numbers, my ulcer begins to churn and burn and i can feel myself growing sick with worry and frustration.

so far, this month, is kicking my ass.

not to mention that nathan will be out of town for about a week, and i will be left here to deal with my full plate alone. the idea of that makes my stomach hurt too...

blogging world, i need your prayers.

in.

(this photo has nothing to do with the post but i love this picture)

right now i am in my living room. in jeans. in a shirt. in a good mood. in a pair of socks with holes in them. in love with my husband. in school. in the middle of reading 2 books. in the process of transferring to a university. in a small group.

i'm in a lot of things. i guess the most exciting thing that i am in is...

escrow.

thats right blogging friends of the world, nathan and i are in the process of buying our first home! we are excited and blessed beyond all measure. we will keep you all updated with photos and more info as soon as we can.

thank you for all of your love and support. if you still read this, that is a blessing in itself.

(if you already knew this, then this is old hat for you guys!)

mysterious.

this saturday has been a nice and relaxing one. i woke up and went to breakfast with a good friend of mine, then we preceded to do what we do best: thrift store shop. we do this well because we have the same love for clothes, and the same love for keeping as much money in our wallets as possible. so we took off in search of cute tops, $10 jeans, and cute sweaters and i would say that is a great use of a saturday.

so anyway, as i was searching for a new wardrobe, i came across the jewelry section and found one of those necklaces that is broken in half where one says "best" and the other ones says "friend" but i only found the "best" part. it made me sad to see this lone necklace being surrounded by gaudy jewelry with broken clasps and strings of pearls with gaping holes. it made me think of all the times i had those necklaces and was so excited to give the other half to my best at the time. unfortunately, i have never had very good luck with friends.


i have had friends who abandoned me.

who have left me behind.

who have ignored me, have taken advantage of me, and left me for someone better.

looking at that necklace, it sent be back to 7th grade and all those feelings of being desperately alone and in need of one friend. i have cried out to my God in agony, begging for someone to understand me, and when they did understand me, they would still love me. i have spent more years than i care to count, friendless and empty in every sense of the word. my journey of life has been painful with no one to talk to.

but as i have grown older, i have found friends, and i ended up marrying the best one. but i never realized that not having friends affected me the way that it did. i am guarded but tend to get really close to people really fast. i expect to be let down, but am still shocked and surprised when it happens. i am a bundle of raw emotions with unrealistic expectations, and often times, it ruins the relationships that i worked so hard to get.

who knew that silly little necklace would have sent be back to 7th grade and the emotions that went with it? if nothing else, it has made me appreciate the friends i have now, and inspired me to examine myself to ensure that i am being the kind of friends, that my friends deserve.

i didnt think that i would find inspiration and comfort in the middle of a thrift store, but as they say, God works in mysterious ways.

expanding.

on monday i start my last semester at a community college.

finally!

the more that i have been thinking about it, the more at ease i am becoming with my journey for higher education. at first, i was so disappointed with myself that it has taken me so long to finish. friends that are younger than me have their degrees, and i was getting really down on myself for taking such a long time.

but now, things are different. i wouldnt change my life for anything in the world. the marriage that i have is because i took so much time away from school and actually worked on my marriage. we grew together and learned how to be married (and still learning) and i would much rather have a good marriage than a degree any day of the week.

so, this next semester will be a crazy one, but will also be one filled with joy and accomplishment. i will finally be outta there! (insert the end of Aladdin here)

also, work has been such a huge blessing. friends of mine have informed me that i tend to give up on things when they get hard (not big things, mostly just little things) and i almost gave up on my job working with special needs kids because of just how grueling it is. but, i have stuck it out and have really been learning volumes about me, and my character, and the beauty of people. i am finding that my heart is expanding, and i am learning to love in a way that i never knew possible, seeing past the stigmas and the burdens that come with loving another human being.

i dont know if this makes sense, but it all is fitting together like puzzle pieces in my mind. i feel like i am getting glimpses of what i was designed to do, and that feeling is making me fall more in love with my God.

thankful.

a lot has happened since the last post:

-school starts in a week.

-I am actually working now (hooray)

-my mom and I are going to a small group together

-we are getting closer and closer to get a house

-have been married a little over 3 years

all of these things have been wonderful and a joy and we have been thanking God for every moment of this journey.

when we were engaged, people really wanted us to wait until we were older and told us to get our lives together, but those 5 things listed above are things that we get to do as a married couple. we get to experience this life together instead of separately, and cant imagine our lives any other way.

life has been a blessing, and even if it wasnt, we would still be thankful.

(also, i just got back from the thrift store and bought a pair of jeans, a SUPER cute shirt, and a soft hoodie for $11. life really is good!)

not feeling it.

"For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the powers, against the world forces of this darkness, against the spiritual forces of wickedness in the heavenly places." Eph. 6:12

i'm not feeling it right now. i feel like this is a bug that goes around much like this dreaded swine flu, but seems to be just as dangerous. i feel a bit broken, and am eagerly awaiting my God to fix me. i'm allowing myself to be swept up in the worries of this world. allowing that vicious sea to swell up, and carry me out to the depths of materialism and money.

this verse puts me in my place.

i can dig it.

amen.

i'm not really a morning person.

and by not really, i mean that i am absolutely not a morning person. so when nathan tried waking me up the morning before thanksgiving to go to the desert, i wasnt very responsive. so he decided to wake me with a story: (keep in mind nathan had just woken up at this point too, which makes this extra cute.)

once upon a time there was a prince named Vi and everyone thought he was gay because of his name. but he wasnt, and he hated it when people thought he was gay. Amen.

my husband is great.