Sick Nathan

Nathan has been sick this week.

i hate sick nathan. i really do.

let me explain: nathan feels that when he is sick, he shouldnt have to do anything: no dishes, no bed making, no cooking, no cleaning, no showers, literally there is nothing. he is sick and that is that. 

and while i agree with that logic on some levels, on other levels i dont. in that area, we are totally different. just because i have a case of the sniffles doesnt mean that the world stops turning or that there are no more jobs to be done. and honestly, i dont know who is right.

but who's right isnt the issue. the issue is the fact that neither of us are good at serving when we are sick. nathan is more upfront about it: he just wont do it. and not in a jerk way, but in a sweetly irritating way. the kind of way that you cant be mad at him, but you are counting down the days until he's feeling better. 

i on the other hand serve, but not with a kind heart. i will clean the house and do the dishes, all the while wiping my nose on my sleeve, and not stop until the house is clean. but i'm not happy. i'm not doing it because it is good for my character, and doing it actually chips away at my character. 

i get bitter that he isnt the one doing it, and i, the sick one, is stuck doing all of the work. so while i am cleaning the house and running errands, my heart starts to ache as much as my sick body does, and i dont know how to stop.

i dont know how to put the comet down and retreat to bed. and i dont know how to serve without ulterior motives or a bitter heart. 

but i am learning.

this last time that i was sick, i slept. i stayed home. i made fires and watched tv and snuggled with duke, and it felt nice. i only hope that with time i will be able to serve with a open heart and a better attitude. surprisingly, i am learning from my silly husband how to serve better and wholeheartedly. 

i want to be like him more and more each day.

except when he is sick.

life is like a box of chocolate...

i have forgotten how to to my job.

after 11 days off of work (weekends are included in that, but 11 days is still a lot!) i have returned to my desk with a ton of problems: forgetting key strokes, stuttering while on the phone with people, a large amount of paperwork to do, forgetting silly information...

literally, this guy asked me "How many come in the pack of ten?" and i put him on hold, flipped through the book, and called a friend to ask her. when she laughed on the other end i knew it was bad. i returned to my customer and calmly and respectfully answered "ten."

what a day.

i wouldnt change it though. i mean, who would? 11 glorious days of couch cuddling and sleeping in vs. one awkward day of work? no contest.

but today, i just feel so silly.

on another note, last night we went to dinner with my family for my grandma's birthday and it was a nice evening. dinner was good, followed by good conversation, which always completes a night out. nay and i said our goodbyes and headed home to do some much needed laundry.

as we were folding the laundry and putting everything away, nathan hands me my clothes that he put on hangers for me and says:

"these are organized from sweaters and cardigans to long sleeves and tee shirts."

and then he just walks away.

it was the cutest thing that i think he has ever done. i mean, what man organizes his wives clothes like that?! i dont even organize my clothes like that!

i smiled at him and i put the clothes in the closet.

i love how he takes care of me.

even when he thinks i dont notice.

i want it.

i'm not one for new years resolutions. i mean, honestly if i want to change something about myself, i can do it anytime. i do not need to wait for january first to decide that i want to change areas of my life. however, the feeling of knowing that 2008, along with all of the mistakes and problems that came with it, are now gone, is inspiring. it is clean. it is the feeling of coming home to a clean house, and crisp sheets.

there is relief for the past, and hope for the future. there is hope in knowing that you can change. change! what a feeling of power! your life is in your hands always, but realizing that you can be different; better. it is wonderful to know what you are capable of.

i already know i am capable/and want the usual things: to eat better, spend less money, work out more, build up our savings, so on and so fourth. but there is more isnt there? there is more to life than a nice bank account and a better body.

i want a better heart.

i want to give people the benefit of the doubt.

i dont want to pick apart the good things in my life to find the bad.

i want to have a better attitude.

i never want to have a bad thought about my friends or my husband.

i want to desire good above all.

i want to look for ways to make others lives better.

the best part about wanting these things for myself, is that they are attainable. they were made to be attainable. we were made to be good. we were made to thrive in and for good. i know i can do these things, i know that i have to want it: and i do. i want it. i want it for me and my husband. i want it for my friends. i want it for my family. i want it for vision/church. i want it for all. 

there are not a lot of things that i want for: we have a great place, wonderful family and friends, a beautiful pup, two good jobs, a future. 

but i want a better heart. i want all of those things that i know will change me and my relationships. those are the things that i want. those are the things that i need, but it is important to want them. you can need honesty in your life, but to want honesty, that is brave. that is hard. that, my friends, is change.

happy new year ya'll. may you have the relief of a year past, and the hope of a new year to come. yay!

oh, the goodness

i love this time of year: so much is going on. thanksgiving, christmas, new years, and last but not least, our anniversary.

2 years.

what an amazing journey we have ahead of us. what an amazing journey we have already taken. we have learned so much from each other, and we cant wait to see what else lies in store for us.

we went to san fransisco for our anniversary. here are some pictures of the goodness that was san fran. 

(us at pier 39)

(i love this picture. this is us with the seals. i think i'm a seal at heart...)

(mama's kitchen: worth the wait)

(the stinking rose...)

(another picture i love)

(a $4.50 bagel and $4.00 muffin. disgusting.)

(nay showing off his christmas gifts)

(duke opening his stocking)

(duke ignoring his stocking and wanting to eat nay's gifts)

sorry it has been a while. we have been so busy and just got back from our fancy dinner: mortons. 

hope you all had a great christmas, cant wait to hear all of the stories.

13 more hours to go

it's christmas eve, and i am at work.

the phones are not ringing. people do not want to be here, and to be quite honest, it makes sense. no one wants to be in an office while their families are at home watching awesome marathons: CSI, law and order, brady bunch, christmas movies, and the list goes on. i hate the feeling of knowing that your counterpart (i.e. spouse/family) is without you. knowing that nathan is at home, with the pup, in our warm cozy house is just to much to bare as i sit here at my computer.

however, i am more than grateful that i have a job, and a job that i am becoming good at. a job with good people and a job i shouldn't have gotten. i am so blessed that the puzzle pieces were put together, and that everything fell into place, so that i may have this job.

especially now.

everywhere you turn, people are closing their doors, going out of business, unable to make payments, and it is devastating. heartbreaking. this is the time of giving and loving, and i hope we all do a little more loving than getting this year. a little more faith and a little less selfishness. more hope and less heartbreak. i hope we can all keep in our minds the faces and the people that we are thankful for, and cant imagine our lives without them.

when i think of people, at least 5 faces come to mind- i hope that is what happens with you as well. i hope you find more. i hope your faces are in the double digits. i hope that you rack your brain all day thinking about who you cant imagine your life without, it is such a great feeling.

on another note-

with it being christmas eve and all, i just wanted to say thank you. thank you for reading my blog. thank you for thinking that these muddled words make sense to you and you get something out of reading this. thank you for caring about my life enough to not only read it, but comment on it. i am humbled by your interest in our lives, and i wanted to let you know how great you all are.

lastly, there are so many people and things we are thankful for, we cant name them all, but if we know you, hang out with you, get our hair done by you, are related to you, love you, get tattooed by you, go to church with you...we are thankful for you. more than you know.

merry christmas everyone. we hope that yours is as bright and wonderful as it should be.

Last nights conversation

me: what is something you like about me?

nathan: (half asleep) your nice.

me: your favorite thing about me is that i'm nice?

nathan: (more than halfway asleep) yes.

me: hmm...really? nice?

nathan: (almost asleep) is that not enough?

me: well i'm just wondering...

nathan: (rolls over and looks at me) your perfect. there is no one else in the world i would rather be with, spend the rest of my life with, learn how to be married with. your perfect for me.

me: (beaming) that was wonderful.

nathan: (fully asleep) ...

me: (cant sleep and still smiling) he thinking i'm perfect...

the art of being a bottomless pit

today was wonderful. nathan and i woke up early (for different reasons) and parted before 8 a.m. he left to have breakfast with a former student of ours and record some friends doing a christmas album, and i woke to clean the house and make breakfast for Jean.

her name isnt really jean you know. her name is justine and i think that she is great. such spirit and kindness; more people should be like her.

so anyway, nathan was off and i was home getting ready for justines arrival, and duke was just sitting there. taking everything in- the morning sun, the christmas tree, the warm blankets, his mama hard at work, just everything. 

so justine gets here and i make us some chocolate chip pancakes, bacon, hasbrowns, and orange juice. it was a pretty interesting yet delightful breakfast, that lead to even better conversation. after she left i finished cleaning up the place and laid down on the sofa to nap with the duke. 

what a wonderful morning.

so i slept for a while, took a shower, ran an errand with nathan, and made some dinner. later we decided to go see "milk" and it was great. the movie just makes you want to believe in something bigger than yourself. it makes you want to throw yourself out there and find what is true. what is real. what is worth fighting for. even if you dont agree with it, you have to admit, the 'fight' that was in that man, was and is, remarkable. 

so all in all, it was a good day. 

on a side note, duke decided to use our new camera as a chew toy (yes bloggers, the same camera we bought about a month ago) and so we needed to get another one. he has also decided to start eating ornaments off of the tree, and chewing up anything in sight. we have had to start caging him again we leave, which we hate, but he gives us no choice. 

even though he is cute, he is still sometimes monster.

   (this was nathans face when he found out duke chewed the camera)